> Agent Ice Berg? Really…you could have given yourself a better codename than that! Maybe Icebreaker or Glacier…but really?
>
> Noticing there is a covenant ship in the sky, Cyanades shrugs and says
>
> Oh yeah…forgot about THAT. Whoever pissed that Elite off is in big trouble… if they are after me, tell them that my Gruntacos are in Alaska.
I could’ve, but I don’t take my code name that seriously. It’s not that bad lol.
> > Spartan II of ONI, Code name Agent Ice Berg, barges through the front door flustered
> >
> > wheezing in shortness of breath, he yells
> >
> > “Everyone must evacuate the bar this very instant!! ONI has picked up a Covenant Slipspace rupture 5 miles from this location!!! There are two Super Carriers glassing their way here as we speak!”
> >
> > “They seem to be honed on this location, as if they are looking for something, but for what exactly? I feel as though my superiors are leaving some important details out.”
>
> Piss off.
Why?
15 drinks later…
"Whas, whas all dat damn noiz?
Falls over off stool
“Kitten! Whas dat shiny book dere?”
(Four pages in, and I’ve already killed myself off. Have to admit, to tombstone me laugh probably much more than it should have. Anyway…)
Wakes up; room spinning
Mommmmieeee… mah train went swimmin’ in da piano…
Collapses again
Comes to, again, this time awakened from maniacal laughter
Elapsed time since last sane consciousness:
Approx 10 hours
Shakily gets to feet
Sees the Trio fighting auto server
Meh… looks like I haven’t missed much… and my moaburger still ain’t done… wait, wasn’t there some warning from an ice berg or something about a Covenant attack… that was closing in…? It’s been a while since the alert…
Psssh… I’m sure it was nothing.
Looks down. Sees Unngoy spieces
Awwwww… look at you guys… you’re so cute!
Head grunt whips out needler
Oh… that’s were the Covenant is…
*The sangheili walks furiously to the tiny humans table, he bumps Aojkii ICE TIME on the shoulder and knocks him away. He continues walking forward, his rage building inside him, he walks into tables and pushes them out of the way, like moses parting the red sea, he hits his head on a chandelier but still his path is unwavered, his black eyes menacing in the darkly lit room, he walks faster and faster. He now stands behind the automated bar tender casting a silhouette over the bar tender and onto the table where the three tiny humans sit. With all of the sangheili’s force he shoves the automated bartender to one side, his rag doll body hits the wall and drops like a bag of skulls.
THE SANGHEILI ROARS AND SILENCES THE ROOM - HE DRAWS HIS ENGERY SWORD AND SLICES THE TABLE IN HALF
The sangheili general begins to speak - his AI quickly translates, trying to keep up with the mad sangheili - “I HAVE SPARED YOUR LIFE NOW ON TWO OCCASSIONS!! EACH TIME A DEMON HAS COME TO YOUR RESCUE!! Well tell me this tiny humans, where is your demon NOW!!??”
The sangheili brings the brightly lit sword up to his face, so that the tiny humans can see all of his battle wounds in the dimly lit bar. (His bottom mandables where both cut in half, his eye wields a scar, and his head has multiple burn marks.)
“That belongs to ME.” The sangheili says pointing at the shiny book… he continues (energy swrod still at hand) -This time the AI translates- “Give it to me, or I will peel your flesh away from your bones and feed you to the kig yar.”
Yanking a blamite shard from his cod piece, Comic stares at the frothing security guard and his floating Dinklage pal
More and more Covenant troops swarm through the doorway
Oh jeez… Kit, get up and hug him or something, I’ve still got more horrible puns to come up with! I’M TOO FUNNY TO DIE!!!
(Still a better storyline than Halo 3. This should be canon. ;D )
Kit seeing the enraged Sangheili sprints at him and tackles him
“Stop it!”
Kit wrestles the sword from the Sangheili’s hand
“You can not harm anyone here, besides…you are better then that” Her gaze softens “arnt you?..”
Kit sits on top of the Sangheili scanning the Sangheili’s face
“Why is the book so important to you?”
“ARRGH get off of me disgusting human!” -The AI translates-
he pushes the white and purple spartan off of him.
he gets up now towering over the human, he quickly grabs his energy sword from her.
His AI agian translates “You have torn apart my reputation as a fearsome soldier… I can no longer kill because of the dreadful and disgusting human emotion you had shown me. I have been poisoned by you, demon… I would rather have the parasitic creature consume my body, and turn me into a lifeless sole, then feel the soft caring emotion you Humans think so fondly of.”
he puts his energy sword away, galnces over at the tiny humans then back to the spartan.
“tiny human or not, you are all the same. I do not care to tell you why I am inclined to have the book, because you will not listen to me.”
“I have seen the way you humans look at me. It is the same way I look at the creatures I hunt back on my homeworld; Barbaric and savage, you all look at me just the same.” -the AI finishes translating-
The sangheili turns and walks away but not before looking and growling at the tiny humans
Huh.
That was actually a pretty good climax. Didn’t expect to have this turn into an all-out story, and a serious one at that.
…
Sees Covie troops lining walls
Ummmm…
Grabs second of Cyanades’ drinks
Anyone care for refreshments…?
sirens!
(siren sound systems say this) Alert, Protocol Lockdown commenced. Building in lockdown.
all doors start to close
I slide in under door just before it closes
Hi Guys! What the hell happened?
And Agent Ice Berg, Im sorry I just wanted to insult someone.
Kit grabs the Sangheili by the hand
“I’ll listen to you…” she says softly
“I don’t understand why you don’t think I would not…”
The usual.
The usual happened.
Now stop gawking at the spilling blood, dead aliens, and cyanide on the floor, and tell one of these drone-servers thingies to fix up a moaburger… and make it Array fried, why not? That seems to have a nice ring to it.
KitKat, you seem good at being security. Do you want the job? Im not going to fire the elite (yet), but I just need someone more calm on the job.
(Edit: OP has been updated by the way, new song, joke and comments on you guys)
Sarah Palin confronts Ice Berg and calls him an Egghead for thinking CK7 was serious and fabricating the Covenant invasion crisis
Ice Berg replies
“Oh yea, says the one who let Halsey get away :)))), oh btw, I thought you’d be shorter”
Palin starts blowing steam out of her head in fury
Fred, Sam, and Joe are still all frozen in fear from the the Elite, with the seared table smoldering in front of them. With trembling hands, Joe tries to open up the book but is left fumbling, back to taking deep breaths to try and recover
“Well-l-l-l-l-llll thattt wasss-ss funn-nn,” stuttered Fred, his previous confidence all but lost as he attempts to take a drink of his Pepsi.
Joe takes one final deep breath, and manages to open up The Book to one page and reads it quick.
“How about a magic trick, to diffuse the situation?”
Sangheili General Ardo Moretummes’s Ai over hears the bartender and translates it for his companion
The general is furious and says “Bluagh human, au riok qworv ji wruq.No Ny’kur.”
- Ai translates - “Disgusting human, you hired him to kill, and now he doesn’t understand.”
Ardo Moretummes turns to the white and purple spartan he begins to speak his native language as the Ai translates.
“You see human. No one understands my ways. If we were in covenant culture I probably would have been promoted to head Superior of this establishment.”
“what is so different between you and all of these other disgusting humans?”
“Gara riok blaugh humans”
*He sits down disgusted.
Still making eye contact with the Sangheili
“Ignore him, you need to simmer down. We are not in the Covenant…you are right but are you going to honestly tell me you enjoyed how they lied to you? I don’t buy it.”
“Nothing is different about me…I just know how to treat people.”
Growls
- The sangheili speaks and his Ai translates -
“You know nothing of betrayal and the lies the prophets told us… My family was slaughtered at the hands of the brutes that took over High Charity. While I was off fighting thier “war” my alliegeince lay loyal to the covenant, because it was all I knew…”
The sangheili looks down… He continues
“I have joined the humans as with the arbiter, who I now follow… Not a moon goes by human that I wish to see my family again. I know I will see them after I die and my sole continues on through the great journey, but until then I have devoted the rest of my life to help you humans and though you disgust me, my family would see it wise and honorable.”
his anger fades and he begins to relax
“for a human, (and a demon at that) you’re not so disgusting.”
Kit hugs the Sangheili
“I’m so sorry…but I know more then you would think.”
Kit hugs him tighter
“Just be kind to them…they will learn to be kind to you someday.”
With a bang, a light goes off in the corner of the bar, interrupting the emotional scene between the alien and Spartan
“Ladddiiieeesss and gentlemen! Boys, and girls, children of all ages! Step right up and see the Magnificent Joe, and his time traveling magic act!”, Fred, regaining his confidence boomed.
Sam dimmed the lights, and Joe took center stage, standing on a seat behind the split table
“In this act,” Joe nervously introduced, “I shall make a pencil disappear.”