The Community Writing Workshop

Community General Discussion
1

NOTE: This includes fan fiction.

I also provide writing critiques. Simply paste your story in the thread and let me know, unless it’s very long, then provide a link.

Anyone familiar with my own personal Halo exploits will know that I often participate in this shady aspect of fandom. And I say ‘shady’ with good reason, because it limps behind other elements of fan worship, such as machinima, cosplay and fan-created artwork. Now this isn’t because Fanfiction is particularly bad. In fact, some fan-made fiction is downright amazing and they garner a significant following of devout fans, all eager to read the next episodic instalment. But it’s simply down to the initial, immediate visual appeal of other aspects of fan worship.

I’ll be updating the story links in due course as many are no longer available since the forums were updated.

My Fan Fiction Links
Fan Fiction: ‘Last Stand’
Fan Fiction: ‘Halo 5’
Fan Fiction: ‘Do No Harm’
Fan Fiction: ‘Iron Spartan’

Useful Books For Writers
The Penguin Guide to Punctuation
The Penguin Pocket Writer’s Handbook
The Penguin Writer’s Manual
Self Editing For Fiction Writers
The Writers’ and Artists’ Yearbook 2014

Literary Agents Who Accept Sci-Fi
John Jarrold
Angry Robot
MBA
Christopher Little
Curtis Brown
Zeno

My Blog
The Secrets Within

Machinima allows budding directors, script writers and voice actors to hone their skills, whilst cosplay and artwork allows any fan to show off their more artistic side. They are all colourful, in one way or another. Fanfiction, however, is a single hairsbreadth slice of worship, presented as a two-dimensional aspect, commonly in the form of black words on white paper. To the naked eye it can sometimes seem bland and uninspiring. But more importantly, it’s not canon.

So why write it?

After the conclusion of Halo 2 and the inevitable, agonising wait for Halo 3, someone on the bungie.net forums decided to take matters into their own hands and wrote a piece of fiction linking the second and third games. It focused primarily on the Master Chief’s exploits on board the Forerunner Key ship and how he escapes. And I was immediately taken in.

Unfortunately, I have no idea as to who wrote it or what the piece was called, but it was fantastic. The dialogue was natural, and the action seamlessly put together. In short, it was fluidic in nature and a joy to read. But it was also inspiring.

Contrary to popular belief, people don’t usually write Fanfiction as a means of getting a job as a novelist or as a screenwriter, they do it because they enjoy two things: the IP it’s based upon and because they enjoy writing. And it’s exactly because of that why I started writing Fanfiction, and then progressed to my own original fiction, with ambitions of being published.

Halo fan fiction has allowed me an opportunity to practise my art with a very critical audience… you! With it I perfected dialogue, characterisation and genral plot creation. Which has helped enourmously when it came to writing the first draft of an original novel. And I’m now on my second draft.

To start off the guide, I written down a few crucial points on fan fiction. I don’t profess to be a wisened old soothsayer, but I do know how to write fiction. Though I’m not quite Greg Bear or Orson Scott Card. And I only reached a personal level of accomplishment by listening, reading, writing, and listening some more to those who know their craft.

I’ll cover other points in time, including words that are commonly mixed up or misused. And the better ways to start off.

1. Don’t Be A Nobber!
This may seem pretty self explanatory, but pay attention to those words. Don’t for one minute presume that you are the best thing since spray-on spandex. Treat your audience and the individual reader with respect.

2. Keep It Grounded.
While many of us do like to imagine last stand scenarios filled with countless Spartans, and even more Covenant dead, writing it, however is a big no-no. For one, it’s unrealistic. And two, it makes for boring and typically one-dimensional narrative. Characters, even Spartans that never show their faces, have a personality. But if you’re intent on only showing them fighting page after page, killing more Covenant soldiers than eighty-five Master Chief’s put together, along with a plethora of explosions and gunfire and awful one-liners, then you may wish to consider shoving your head in a microwave oven for three hours, with the settings on mashed potato.

3. Keep Your Characters in Character.
It means exactly what it says. If your story centres on the Master Chief – a typically stoic and silent character – then don’t have him jumping around shouting “-Yoink- yeah!”, whilst high-fiving Admiral Hood. It’ll come across as cheap and shallow. John-117 is a forty one year-old Spartan-II soldier and a veteran of countless engagements. Treat him as such. But at the same time don’t be too narrow-minded in your characterisation, copying him word for word, action for action as he is in the games.

4. Show, Don’t Tell
The above title is an age old expression in the literary world. If you spend all of your time describing everything that goes on instead of simply moving things forward for the reader to interpret, then your writing will be about as colourful and exciting as watching a wall before the paint is applied. Allow the reader to come to their own conclusions. Show them narrative paths, but let them be the ones to explore and dissect them.

5. Don’t Overdo The Details
Whilst it’s always good to provide the reader with details, don’t overdo it. Including a detailed description of Mjolnir armour is a great inclusion in any story, but don’t go too far and include what Dulux rating the paint has, or the variety of pebbles on the surface of an alien planet, unless they are important to the story.

That’s all for now. But I’ll be updating this on a regular basis for those who wish to improve their writing. However, this guide will not get you a job with 343i and it won’t get you published. But hopefully it will help you become a better writer.

2

Punctuation is something that very often confuses, confounds and terrifies your average writer, as it utilises an understanding that some may perceive as bordering on scientific. Commas, full stops (periods), semi-colons and ellipses are all wonderful additions to a writer’s arsenal, but sometimes these weapons are used poorly, and with severe consequences.

So consider this a guide for those who wish to improve their understanding of the use of punctuation. Below are a series of excerpts from the Penguin Guide to Punctuation, written by R. L. Trask, an American who moved to the UK in 1970, obtained a Ph.D. and became one of the leading authorities in the use of the English language. So don’t worry if you’re used to the American or British method of punctuating, this applies to both in equal measure.

2.1 The Full Stop

The full stop (.) also called the period, presents few problems. It is chiefly used to mark the end of a sentence expressing a statement, as in the following examples:

Terry Pratchett’s latest book is not yet out in paperback.
I asked her whether she could tell me the way to Brighton.
Chinese, uniquely among the world’s languages, is written in a logographic script.
The British and the Irish drive on the left; all other Europeans drive on the right.

MORE TO BE ADDED

3

RESERVED - Word usage.

There

Their

They’re

Effect

Affect

Of

Have

4

How to start

Contrary to popular belief, most novels, and therefore most writers, don’t start with descriptive language when writing a novel or short story. They don’t, for example, start off with: ‘It was a dark and stormy night. The air was filled with dread etc, etc’. It may seem counter intuitive to start off with anything but description, but all you do, as a writer, is alienate and isolate the reader. You end up committing the cardinal sin: telling instead of showing.

As writers we are meant to: show, don’t tell. What this means is that we lay out the narrative path for the reader but allow them to decide what’s happening, through subtext, dialogue and bare description along the way, such as the look of the trees, a persons clothing or uniform, and their mannerisms. All of these elements point us in the general direction of the plot, instead of grabbing us in a headlock and forcing us along. Reading is about extracting information and deciding for yourself what is happening. Not being led like a blind donkey.

Take some of these examples on board from previous novels.

They moved swiftly, silently, with purpose, under a crystalline, star-filled night in western Siberia.
Tom Clancy,(1986) Red Storm Rising.

In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I’ve been turning over in my mind ever since.
F. Scott Fitzgerald, (1925) The Great Gatsby.

Unlike some fan fiction, both excerpts don’t start off with description. Some may point out that the latter part of the paragraph for Red Storm Rising includes some description, and you’d be right. But it doesn’t start with it. It conludes with it. But what both excerpts do is ask a question, make a statement, that makes you want to know the answer in both cases.

With Red Storm Rising you might be wondering who ‘They’ are. Who is moving swiftly and silently? What are they doing? And why are they doing it?

With The Great Gatsby you’re more inclined to wonder what advice his father gave, and why. By doing this, each novel has already included the writer in the plot, by getting them to ask questions when they are only on the first paragraph. And only by reading on will they find out what it is. This is what’s known as ‘The Hook’. It is the authors way of getting your attention, after that he/she only has to maintain it.

I’ve seen so many fan fictions that start off with ‘The sky was a fiery red, filled with streaks of dark and forboding shapes. Rain cascaded down on the village below, making the ground slippery, blah, blah, blah…’ It doesn’t sound interesting when you examine it. It doen’t make me ask a question. It doesn’t make a statement. You might even think ‘Oh, wow! It’s raining! I’ve never seen rain before.’ But, chances are that you have seen rain before. Unless it’s different to your regular wet rain. Consider the alternative:

It stabbed and burned as it fell, expelled from a sky of crimson.

Unlike the mundane description of your regular run-of-the-mill rain, this version depicts something altogether different. More importantly, though, it forces you to ask questions. What stabbed and burned? Why is the sky red?

Just because the rain stabbed and burned, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s anything other than normal rain. It’s how it interacts with the character/protagonist within the story. How is the rain making them feel? They could have an unusual skin condition, or are afraid of the rain. It may even be more straightforward and be acid raid, hence the burning. But only by reading on will you find out.

I’m now going to take a look at how the illustrious George R. R. Martin starts a Game of Thrones from his Song of Ice and Fire series.

“We should start back,” Gared urged as the woods began to grow dark around them. “The wildlings are dead.”

You may be tempted to think that this novel opens very differently to the two previous examples. And in a way you would be right. George R. R. Martin utilises dialogue for his opening paragraph, presenting the characters straight away to the reader. But like the previous examples he still makes a statement to which you want to investigate further. You may be tempted to ask ‘Who is Gared?’, or ‘Why is it growing dark?’ and ‘Who are the wildlings, and why are they dead?’

So, yet again, the novel makes you ask questions. And to find out the answers you need to read on.

For additional examples, simply pick up your favourite novel, or several novels and see how they start. See how they hook you in, making you read on.

MORE TO COME

5

Feel free to post or ask questions. I’ll be populating the original thread above with new information on a regular basis.

6

I’m attempting to write my first fanfiction, and I was wondering about this-
How many main characters would you say are too many for a short story (would wind up cluttering the storyline and being unnecessary to the plot)? I was thinking about five primary characters would be just about right for a relatively short fiction.

7

Sorry for the delay, been on holiday.

If you’re referring to the perspectives involved, i.e. the viewpoint that you are writing from, I’d stick with one perspective in a short story. Two at the most.

If, however, you are simply referring to the number of main characters involved I’d try and limit it as much as possible. For those who will be spouting dialogue on a regular basis I’d have no more than the five that you’ve already mentioned. Just remember to balance their contribution to the story. To be safe I’d probably drop it to four, but that’s up to you and the direction of your story. You can also have a few peripheral characters as well that add dialogue here and there.

As this is your first fan-fiction, though, I’d start with something smaller first, to warm up and get a feel for writing. Start with one character and place them in isolation. You can write it in either first or third-person. In fact, utilise the Alien Isolation scenario to whet your appetite. The game looks fantastic, and it allows you to practise writing characters, encounters, and a little bit of dialogue. Once you’ve cracked that, change it to Halo, with a different scenario. Two characters perhaps, patrolling a woodline, stalking the enemy or something similar. This allows you to crack character interaction and frequent two-way dialogue, with a bit of action.

Of course, you may have written lots of your own stories that are totally unrelated to Halo. But it’s always best to utilise something smaller first. And a small, original science fiction story is a great place to start.

Hope it helps!

8

OK, thanks for the advice!
As for the characters, I was planning on alternating between two main viewpoints for the story perspective. The rest of the main cast wouldn’t be as central.

9

Not a problem. Always glad to help.

10

So, I haven’t written anything on here for a while, despite my previous statement of doing this on a regular basis.

Sorry!

I’ve been busy, though. I’m still on the second draft of a novel, I’ve started a new job, moved house and country, and have been settling in. I’m now challenging myself with a screenplay/script, for Halo. This is all unofficial, of course but it’ll give me the chance to get some practice in. And hopefully it’ll strike a chord and a few of you will enjoy it.

I suppose I can summarise this post with this (another piece of advice): I write because I enjoy it. I write because it’s educational. I write because I love creating. But most of all, I write because the little people in my head won’t let me sleep unless I write.

It’s in my blood.

11

Well, it turns out I can write on here far more often than I thought I could.

For those hoping to get into writing, and I must stress that I’m not published, there are many methods and examples of sound advice out there. These range from reading often to writing what you know. The truth is none of them really work for everyone.

For me it was about experimenting with different writing techniques. Trying different perspectives, literally. I moved from first-person to 3rd. And I went from writing sci-fi to military thrillers and then back to sci-fi. Despite being ex-military, writing something of that ilk wasn’t the best way to go, despite the repeated messages from published authors. I’m a big fan of sci-fi, always have been. So I went back to that and loved it. But I can bring a military perspective to science fiction, so that’s what I do.

So, consider this post the first in a series of exercises aimed at getting you to write better than you currently do. This is a very simple process, but it allows you to analyse your writing and improve upon it.

  1. Create your own Spartan from the Halo universe. (write this up as a character brief – a paragraph describing the individual, like an ONI report)

  2. Give them a choice of weapons, armour, skills and traits.

Now examine your Spartan. Do they have any of the following?

a. Superpowers

b. Abilities that propel them beyond the Master Chief.

c. An unrivalled kill count and skillset.

If you answered yes to any of these then you need to start again. Spartans are human. Though they’re extremely dangerous and skilled in combat, they’re also flawed, imperfect, human. So let’s look at the chief or Noble Team. Each character is flawed in some way. The Chief is regaining his humanity, he’s also alone. He seeks out isolation. Noble team demonstrate a variety of interesting flaws. Carter is an imperfect leader. Kat is arrogant but confident. Jun is a thinker. Jorge is also isolated. He’s the only S2 in the team, despite appearing comfortable with his arrangements. Emile is comedic now and then and is also a bit of a socio-path to boot. None of them are happy, smiling individual with a family and a string of military campaigns behind them. They have been involved in warfare since they were young. They have been devoured by it.

This also means their humanity has been devoured. And what they have been left with as personalities is a regurgitated montage of flaws and ambition. They are the perfect soldiers but they are imperfect humans. They are no longer people. They are tools, weapons. So design them as such.

I’ve seen so many fan-fic Spartans fall as a result of their perfection. They are anything but. I read one fan-fic which described the Chief (post-Halo 4) as impotent and sexually under-developed. I thought it was a stroke of genius. It depicted the Chief as less of a man, in the stereotypical sense, but placed him in the middle of military prowess, which he excels at.

Do something similar, give your Spartan a flaw. Make them standout, but keep them grounded.

12

Here’s a Spartan that I created some time ago. I try very hard to keep him grounded as a character.

Name: Li

Gender: Male

Age: REDACTED

Service ID: B128 (SIII)

Unit: COBRA Team, NavSpecWep, S3

Rank: Petty Officer 2nd Class

Preferred Weapons: M8 Hybrid SMGs; Modified M90 shotgun

Armour Variant: Ad-Hoc/Hayabusa Japanese PBA

(P)MOS: CQB

Biography:
A former member of COBRA Team, Li is a Close Quarter Battle specialist. He favours a pair of SMG’s and a bayonet-equipped shotgun. Li is ruthless in practice but prefers to fight the Covenant to any member of the Insurrection, which sometimes puts him at odds with other members of the UNSC. He does not sympathise with the Insurrection, merely the futility of their actions – should they gain recognition and independence they will simply be swept aside by the Covenant.

Li was abandoned by his parents as a child when Arcadia was first attacked, but he sees their reason for doing so as born from madness and desperation, brought on by the war with the Covenant.

Previous Psychological Assessment:
Li-B128 is a troubled individual with a long and detailed history of selfish intentions and their resultant actions, particularly when it comes to the Covenant. Despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary he continues to deny his involvement in the theft of several Covenant close quarter weapons from the secure storage facility in the Hashva Valley on Onyx. Efforts to repatriate these items have thus far failed.

Li often exhibits a disregard for authority and finds it hard to mix with other team members – preferring, instead, to work alone. A result of his abandonment, no doubt. As of late, B128 has expressed an interest in improving his communications and technical relay training, perhaps with the actual intention of qualifying this time, though I have my doubts.

I recommend a remedial phase of team-orientated training and assignments so that he may prove himself useful in larger engagements, and with larger squads.

13

I might show you my characters, I’ll see.

14

So…

The original post is in the “Tell us about your Spartan” thread, Halo universe section, but I thought it would be nice to share it here :slight_smile:
It’s my first one so there might be some misstakes with the timeline and the form but I’ve enjoyed writting this, it tooked me nearly 2 hours, and I think the final result is quite good.

The main source I’ve used to get all the data was Halo Nation’s wiki.

Good reading !

> °Name : Marcus Terentius Jr
>
> °Service # : G-744
>
> °Unit : 15th Spartan Ready Group (SRG), 7th battalion, 3rd platoon, fireteam Gamma 1-2
>
> °Primary Military Spec : Aerial Gunner & Weapons Specialist, Squad Leadership and Drill Sergeant for 15th SRG.
>
> °Enlisment date : 09/24/2522
>
> °Location : Reach fortress world
>
> °Gender : Male
>
> °Birthplace : Arcadia
>
> °Birthdate : 07/10/2503
>
> °Perfomance :
>
> Marcus Terentius Jr met all requirements to be eligible in leadership training, he understood perfectly the sight technology and demonstrated high capabilites in fast-making decisions (he owns the fastest records of 5’89 seconds !). Unfortunately, he had a serious medical record at birth with a unfunctional knee which cause him regular infections and had to be removed very quickly to prevent any other external damages on is first year…However that major injury made him famous because he made outstanding physical results and was designated to become the first recruit with medical record eligible for the training programs of the Spartan II project.
>
> °Comments :
>
> “The DNA core of recruit PVT Marcus Terentius Jr is an enigma ! How can possibly such a fragile human being be so resistant to hostile biologicals ? Surely the survey and studies will considerably improve the understanding of advanced medecine thanks to it but it’s origins is quite unfamiliar…could it have forerunner DNA structures implemented ? I can’t tell right now but I am surprised of the attitude of it’s former parents, when he early stated that he wanted to join the military, wich supported him all the time so that he can become a ODST recruit knowing the actual uprising…”
> -Phd Catherine Hasley, medical survey, 11/24/2522
>
> “I wanted to join the military not because it’s awesome to handle a weapon and shoot it but it’s the transition from civilian to soldier…my parents educated me with caution, they told me to stay polite with anybody and never harm someone, also be respectful of what they could offer me. The problem is that this kind of path made things aweful at school because I’ve never learned how to defend myself so at home during the week-end it was a painful moment because everybody -starting with me- was frustrated and I thought that the military were the only way to teach me those things in order to complete my education…the perfect man ?..”
> -My thoughts, 03/16/2524
>
> °Notes :
>
> “Needs more self-control”
> -ODST Michael Baird, 08/23/2527
>
> °Spartan’s choice of equipment :
>
> Type-25 Plasma pistol
> M6C/SOCOM Pistol
> MA37 Individual Combat Weapon System (Default weapon)
> M90 Close Assault Weapon System
> AIE-486H Heavy Machine Gun
>
> °Some of your Spartan previous engagments : [CLASSIFIED]
>
> °Current Operation : Find/Track/Kill [SOCOM]
>
> °Notable relations :
>
> ODST Officer Michael Baird (close friend and fireteam member for 2 years)
> Recruit under Senior Chief Petty Officer Franklin Mendez
>
> °Service Commendations :
>
> 2522 Recruit of the Year
> 2528 Onyx Medal (19,679 confirmed kills)
> 2530 Medal Of HonorUNSC
>
> °Years of active duty :
>
> Retired as Vice Admiral in 2543, served for 21 years…
>
> °Letters of recommandation :
>
> From : Senior Chief Petty Officer Franklin Mendez
> To : Former Vice Admiral Preston Jeremiah Cole
> Date : 02/29/2532
> Subject : Letter of recommandation
> Priority : TOP LEVEL
>
> To my Commander and friend, hello.
>
> It’s with honorable foundations that I come to you dear friend.
> With the ongoing war against the innies (you shall recognize a comrade wording here), that I must ask you a favor…As you may be aware of Spartan-II Officer Marcus Terentius Jr’s outstanding military records, not only physical but he did showed an example of commandery and comradery at one point that I thought that you could see your own military career throught him.
>
> Like him you have passed every tests with a high rate of success without any unnecessary efforts and when the time of duty came you showed also leadership to it’s core. I can’t tell how excited I am about this, surely the new recruits every day are excellent but they are not extraordinary, none of them has something special or think outside the box. However the high chain of command of the ODST battlegroups noted several -if not quite too often- personnal incident with his team mates and other military personal due to his mysterious behavior. ODST Officer Michael Baird also stated in the early stage of Marcus Terentius Jr’s career a higher rate of spiritual instability that could be a weight on his fireteam’s shoulders and damage the efficiency rate of current OPs as a consequence.
>
> However, my advice is that we need more “extraordinary” Soldiers such as him and younger Officers so without further waste of time I will ask you if you are green to promote Spartan-II Officer Marcus Terentius Jr with the approbation of the UNSC security council and regardless his own social issues wich we can’t help him to solve them…Sincerly,
> -SCPO Franklin Mendez

15

Hi MighTyxGuNz H2o,

Brief:
You’ve put a great deal of work into this, that’s easy to see. And there’s a lot of background and supporting information to boot. I commend that.

Pros:
Marcus has plenty of background information, including what rank he was when retiring. And the information comes from several different sources.

Cons:
Regrettably, the very same pros that promote this character as someone that we should feel is real do unfortunately cloud the matter, even overwhelm it. Background information is a great thing to have, but you don’t need to hand it over on a silver platter for all of us to discover absolutely everything. You are, in effect, showing, not telling. It’s called background information for a reason. Keep it there, but use it to feed off when writing to maintain accuracy.

Advice:
First off, drop the junior suffix, and simplify his historical data. There are also too many instances of him being exceptional. Halsey’s comment on his DNA and his resilience is indulgent, as is the comment by Mendez of him being ‘extraordinary’. Aren’t all Spartans extraordinary? It’s unnecessary and it hasn’t been backed up back any accountable information, such as behaviour or his actions in the field of battle. Most of the information is commentary by other people on Marcus. In my Spartan bio, which I’ll admit isn’t perfect, the ONI psych provides commentary but also accountability, or the presumption of it anyway, by mentioning Li’s problems with authority, working in a team, stealing ordnance, and then a supposed investment in communications skills. The latter being the result of an ulterior motive on Li’s part. But I don’t need to tell people that, they can make that jump for themselves.

I realise that many of the fiction written on here is by people a lot younger than I am. And it does show quite a lot in the various fanfics I read. In the bio for Marcus there’s one element that stands out as an example of this: ‘awesome to handle a weapon and shoot’. Please don’t characterise Spartans like this. It’s unrealistic.

I know a lot of this may seem negative. But it’s not. It’s an opportunity to fine tune your Spartan bio. You’ve also written a great deal here. Some people write very little and invest very little time in what they do write. That’s not the case here. But I do get the feeling that you sometimes project your own personality onto Marcus. Essentially, you ARE Marcus, and that can be problematic as your character strays away from the realistic and becomes and indulgent fantasy.

Exercise:
Pick one of your friends, doesn’t matter which. There will be a lot about them that you like. They have similar interests, a great personality. They might just be rich. But whatever it is you like about them they will have faults, just ones that you tend to tolerate. They may have a colourful past. But they will have faults, somewhere. Now use this as your Spartan, use someone else. Then use an imaginary person to fill that Spartan armour. It should end up being more realistic and subjective.

If you want I can write a short bio on your Spartan, along with a psych report.

Summary:
A lot of groundwork and backstory, which is great, but doesn’t necessarily need to be on display for the reader.

16

This is going to be really informal, due to the fact I haven’t made concrete details, and I’m not the best writer, but here’s my main character non the less:

Name: Maria Thompson

Affiliation: ONI

Spartan III

Identification number: G-312

Armor set: Halo 4 armory only: Recon helmet, recruit chest, ricochet forearms (aka recruit forearms), Soilder ZYNTH shoulders, and Contoured (something) leggings. Color Scheme is Cobalt first and ice second.

Background: Born on a colony world, she was the average little girl save her intelligence and gifts, as many spartan candidates usually show. Her father was a diplomat, peacefully rallying against the rise of insurrection on their colony. Back at ONI however, an unnamed individual at this point wanted a spartan team that would act as Noble 6 had, a personal reaper, to bid his wishes. But he wasn’t cleared to have a team, so he made his own project codenamed Eden, the on paper goal was to create a male and female spartan team that would be near impossible to kill, so that if the human race was faced with extinction, there would be people left to carry on the race. This sounded noble and the the project went on, but was rushed and never went through clearance. He had found his 2 candidates, Maria and Bruce. Bruce was the son of non violent insurrectionist sympathizers. They were killed and Bruce was taken. Maria’s father however was harder to just kill due to his position, so they hired a local insurrectionist Vladmir to kidnap Maria. But Vladmir took advantage of this and used the opportunity given to him to Kill Maria father. In the mess he decided to torture Maria in front of him and in the process removed her eyes. The men under the ONI agent were nearby, ready to receive, saw this through motoring devices and acted immediately to stop him. He escaped getting away with the murder, and for the agents sake Maria survived. Her eyes were replaced with artificial implants. But Section 1 was starting to catch wind of the agent, so before he could get caught, and be punished, he ditched the project and threw Maria and Bruce into the Gamma company pool, and covered his tracks as quickly as he could. Maria suffered an emotional brake down from the experience that left her emotionally unstable, but friends in Gama were able to help her stay for the most part stable. It is uncertain whether Bruce derived any complications from his kidnapping. Maria continued here way through Gamma, as an average soldier among the Spartans, never truly excelling. It is recorded that the majority of Gamma left on a mission, and left the 3 squads on onyx as the fought for top honors, which then led to the events of Onyx. The rest of Gamma that did leave, were sent on a mission by ONI with a few battle ships for support, to destroy a covenant outpost that had moved into UNSC controlled space. The attack was supposed to be of lower rick compared to the High Priority missions spartan IIIs are trained to take on. But It was discovered that this outpost was a trap set by the covenant and a overly large force was waiting for them on board, and quickly afterwords a covenant fleet emerged from slip space and attacked the UNSC fleet. The Spartans that had gotten on board fought to complete their mission, and conceived the Idea of destroying the station core to blow up the station and the surrounding fleet. Many Spartans were killed but they were able to breach the core and escape on a pair of liches into slip space before detonation. The UNSC fleet had already fled, anyone that hadn’t already had been taken by the Covenant. The Surviving Spartans numbered fewer than 40 and and returned to the nearest colony. ONI took them in and those that had survived were absorbed into the Spartan 4 program, but 12 we held back including Maria and Bruce. These Spartans became the members of a new program, codenamed Project Olympus. This Program was designated to create fire teams of Hyper lethal soldiers, capable of going on Suicidal missions and come back alive. 3 Teams were created, Fire-teams Poseidon, Hates, and Zeus. Maria was made leader of Poseidon, Bruce leader of Hades, and Zeus was kept secret for unknown reasons at the time. Maria in the program developed her own skills, that made her one of the most lethal in CQC and stealth practices. Ever since her father’s death, she’s been craving revenge. Her friends have managed to keep her steady, but her emotional state has been teetering at best of times and she’s left bitter much of the time. She’s very defensive of her teammates, and will stop at nothing to see them through saftey. Her pastimes include reading, listen to music, and the occasional game.

17

This is mostly the back story for my world as well, If I ever write this or make into a game, this information will probably become it’s own plot and be a prequel story to the rest of the world, I still have more than this to talk about, such as the other characters and the rest of their story in a nutshell.

18

Hey !

Here my reply as requested :slight_smile:

> Hey man I appreciate what you have done :slight_smile:
>
> I wont really try to argue with you since you have pointed out all the problems and good things from this post. In all honesty, yes, some of the background informations such as the medical issues are a part of me, the problem is that I don’t have a lot of friends and I don’t may know them that well. You’re not being mean but you’re honest and I’m cool with that.
>
> I’m currently a history student (first year) and a fan of the halo universe. I wish to get introduce to the art of writing and I think the Halo universe is a great entry.
> I think that to be able to be creative in the Halo universe (writing or machinimas) you must have read all the books and watched all movies and terminals wich I did except for the books with only Cryptum and Primordium.
>
> Usually I do great with grammar, the problem is that I’m french native and I need to expand my english vocabulary if I want to create some good stories (Halo or not Halo).
> I’ll be thankful if you want to help on that !
>
> So where/how should I start ?

19

> Re: Spartan Character Critique
>
> Believe it or not, reading all of the Halo novels and comics isn’t necessary in order to be a good Halo writer. And to say that your native language isn’t English is fantastic, especially when you consider how much effort you have put into it.
>
> If you look at the original post on the writing thread you’ll notice I suggest several books for improving writing. You don’t need to go out and buy all of them, just go for ‘Self Editing for Fiction Writers’. It covers a lot of different areas that will help improve your craft.
>
> The best ways to improve your writing in general are to read some great books. Not Halo, though. Halo books are written in a way to promote the franchise and probably aren’t the best way to improve your writing. For that you’ll need to look at other fiction: Game of Thrones involves some brilliant descriptive work and plenty of dialogue. They’re quite big books, but are great to read and learn from, even if there is a lot of characters.
>
> Another book I’d recommend is Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card. It’s a fantastic read and is science fiction. It’s full of emotional drive, dialogue, action, cameraderie and elements of humour. I’d start with Ender’s Game, though.
>
> When writing a Spartan profile you have to remember that the Spartans are human, so they will exhibit many different traits. They will be flawed characters in many ways, but also the ideal soldier in many others. But they are far from perfect. So that means they won’t be the best shot or have the highest kill count. And they won’t have been told they are the best. Spartans were never told anything like this. They were always pushed, both physically and mentally.
>
> Start off with some very basic elements for Marcus: Name, Age, Planet of birth. Then move on to historical data, such as family. They should come from a relatively normal family, maybe even a broken home, be adopted etc. But they must be in good health – no diseases or unusual and mysterious physical ailments. As a Spartan candidate, Marcus will be a little bit better than a regular child; slightly faster, stronger, with a better grasps of certain mental capabilities, either spacial awareness, tactics or strategy (this is where Ender’s Game comes in as a good book to read).
>
> If you look at my Spartan (Li) you’ll notice he was abandoned as a child by his parents, so his background is filled with isolation, emotional turmoil and rejection. As a result he resents authority and finds it hard to mix with others. But he isn’t crazy or a sociopath. If he was he wouldn’t have been allowed in as a Spartan candidate. His speciality is close quarter combat, but I never state he’s the best at it, just that it’s what he is good at. And that’s important. It keeps him grounded as a character. It keeps him realistic.
>
> Try making Marcus a farmer’s son from, say, Harvest or another farming colony. He’s physically strong, which is why his dad utilised him for work on the farm, despite only being a child. The colony was attacked, Marcus escaped, but was separated from his father, who may or may not still be alive. After that he was recruited as a Spartan. You could stick with Arcadia as his place of birth, that’s not a problem. Or you could state he was helping his mother on the farm after his father died, either as a civilian or a soldier/marine. It’s up to you.
>
> Then build up his recruitment and training history. Nothing too over the top. Mention he was physically imposing both before and after augmentations. But he’s still shorter than a Sangheili. You could, however, say that he gave the Spartan training staff a hard time as he was harder to put down or restrain. Build up from there and let me see what you have after a few write-ups.
>
> As for Halo books to read, go for The Fall of Reach and Contact Harvest. The former tells of the Spartan II recruitment, and the latter of everything but Spartans. Both are a great read.
>
> Let me know when you have re-written Marcus after two or three attempts.
>
> Good luck!

20

°Name : Marcus Terentius.

°Service # : M-744.

°Unit : 5th Shock troops Battalion, 3rd platoon, fireteam Golem 1-4.

°Primary Military Spec’ : Aerial Gunner and Alien Weaponry Specialist as well as Squad Leadership and Drill Intrusctor for 3rd platoon.

°Enlistment date : 09/24/2522

°Actual location : Reach fortress world

°Gender : Male

°Birthplace : Arcadia

°Birthdate : 07/10/2503

°Perfomance : Small Team Tactics

°Weapons :

MA5K Carbine/SOCOM (with silencer or M225 SAP-HE ammo rounds)
M99 Stanchion Gauss Rifle
Type-50 Sniper Rifle System

°Armor : ODST Battle armor BDU

°History :

Marcus Terentius was born September 24th 2503 on Arcadia in eastern Caledonia. He was born from a farmer mother, Pirth City native, and a former UNSC Marine Corp Officer, Task Sergeant Kyle Asger Terentius from Jericho VII.
His parents met on Pirth City but during that time his mother was broke and was about to abandon her appartment down town Pirth city. Marcus’ s mother was working as a business manager in a difficult part of Pirth City in a traditionnal restaurant, she attended the Business School of Arcadia where she encountered for the first time Task Sgt Kyle, however only Lance Corporal back in the days.

At one point that his mother decided to move in the countryside, she didn’t really had any preferred destination but all she wanted was a nice and calm heaven-on-earth place to live, also she never had truely realized the importance of the Insurrection movement on the planet and the political and economical chaos it has spread over it’s countryside.
Marcus’ mother and Lance Corporal Kyle got married at the south pirth city temple on december 2497. Unfortunately, things never happened to be as they have expected, shortly after moving, it was shown that eastern Caledonia was an extremely unstable region because it was ruled by the Insurrectionists. They were ruling with cruelty and without wisdom over the poor.
One day after having secretly collected data from the origins of Lance Corporal Kyle a patrol was sent to their location area. It was early in the morning at the beginning of a spring day, Kyle was taking care of the cereals field they owned when the patrol arrived, the mother was in the city doing some shopping for food and stuff when the rebels instigated their home. Kyle heared the warthog’s engine approching and went at the front door with his magnum ready to fire, the rebels approched and at first asked if the man was Kyle Terentius wich he anwsered yes and as a consequence they forced into the house were Marcus’s sister was reading a book in the living room. The rebel officer threatened the young girl with his knife when Kyle was surrounded by the four other rebels soldiers. Marcus was still very young at that time, his father asked him to stay in the field and hide when the five men entered, he had his father’s cellphone and when he saw the armed men coming in he realized they weren’t police officers and immediately called one of Kyle’s friends at the Marine Corp when he recognized the name and the number. Unfortunately, it happened that Kyle tryied to get over two of the soldiers next to him and the action when on very quickly, the officer reacted by beheading the young girl but all got stunned by a flash grenade thrown by Marcus wich let enough time for Kyle’s friends to jump in and save what was left…

Since that tragedy, Marcus’s mother almost lost her mind and his father decided to retire from the military to take care of his wife and protect his town from the Insurrectionists.
This event is still fresh in the mind of Marcus and was the main reason for joining the military.
Before that, Marcus was attending the flight school at his hometown with his father and shortly have shown a passion for aircraft engineering and flying wich he developped later when joining the military academy of Corbulo on Circinus IV were he met several other famous characters such as Captain Thomas Lasky.
He also had strong bound with Dr. Ellen Enders one wich he dated with during their time on Arcadia. Soon after finishing Corbulo as USNC Marine Corp Lieutenant Marcus was sent first with 9th Marine Expeditionnary Force on Eridanus II just before the end of Operation : Trebuchet against the Insurrectionists. He was operating with alpha squad led by Staff Sergeant Avery Johnson as a heavy gunner specialist due to his natural imposing physical strenght, he survived the operation and was notified to the Naval Special Warfare Sniper School by Johnson due to his contribution to the mission…
At the NavSpecWar School, he pursued a degree in aircraft and weaponry engineering alongisde with a intense ODST training. He mastered the carpet bomb training exercises and after his graduation he was comissioned aboard the ‘UNSC La Bayonnette’ a *destroyer-*class ship as a Magnetic Accelerator Cannon Specialist.
During the beginning of the Human-Covenant war and before the Fall of Reach he expanded his knowledge on alien weaponry and was designated on several ONI classified projects of Mishria Armory…