As my signature/profile page implies, I am the creator of HaloSwallower – a satirical Halo site dedicated to offering completely factual news and entirely plausible theories. In fact, our content is so factual and so plausible, that it’s entirely nonfactual and completely implausible and should not be taken as a credible source by any person ever.
Now, you’re probably wondering why the hell I and others working on HaloSwallower would waste our time writing essays enriched by complete nonsense. Amusement isn’t the only reason…we are satire. We are satire in the sense that we call to action relevant issues through the use of humor. Whether that’s calling out how much Warzone is being advertised compared to other aspects of Halo 5 by reporting a hypothetical situation in which 343 delays Halo 5 in order to allow more Warzone advertisement, or crafting an intentionally far-fetched theory on potential reasons for Sarah Palmer being able to insta-kill Knights in Spartan Ops in order to show just how ridiculous that seems to be on first-glance, our goal is to put a light in a potentially bad station via giving readers a good laugh. We’re not just in it for the lolz, for the banter. We’re here because we love Halo, and we want people to find some form of enjoyment from its uglier aspects. Humor is often the key to opening one’s mind, after all.
That being said, I present to you a thread dedicated to the sole purpose of sharing the content we create right here on Waypoint. Here we’ll have the opening thesis of each post, followed by a “read more” link to the actual article.
> 2533275011491088;2:
> What in the world does Jeremy Wade have to do with calling out Halo’s uglier issues?
The same that John-117 being John Cena does! Obviously.
No, but not every article has hidden meaning. I just wrote the Jeremy Wade one because I love River Monsters. The John Cena one I wrote, however, that’s just me poking fun at us still not knowing John-117’s last name, even though we know every other member of Blue Team’s. I mean, why else would 343/Bungie resist to reveal the name if not to give us a suprise Cena???
> 2533274876631466;3:
> > 2533275011491088;2:
> > What in the world does Jeremy Wade have to do with calling out Halo’s uglier issues?
>
>
> The same that John-117 being John Cena does! Obviously.
>
> No, but not every article has hidden meaning. I just wrote the Jeremy Wade one because I love River Monsters. The John Cena one I wrote, however, that’s just me poking fun at us still not knowing John-117’s last name, even though we know every other member of Blue Team’s. I mean, why else would 343/Bungie resist to reveal the name if not to give us a suprise Cena???
It’s a conspiracy! Master Chief is John Cena’s great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-greatcheese-great-great-great-greatgrandson. Lol.
I do like the play on words there, but I do hope your not insulting HaloFollower. Sure, when they were new they had som issues, but they’ve gotten better. And honestly, they’re one of the better things to have come from the Halo community as of late.
> 2535449034853709;8:
> I do like the play on words there, but I do hope your no insulting HaloFollower. Sure, when they were new they had som issues, but they’ve gotten better. And honestly, they’re one of the better things to have come from the Halo community as of late.
The name is a parody, yes. However, we’re not insulting them—in fact, they love us. A member of HaloFollower is even part of our content team.
> 2533274876631466;9:
> > 2535449034853709;8:
> > I do like the play on words there, but I do hope your no insulting HaloFollower. Sure, when they were new they had som issues, but they’ve gotten better. And honestly, they’re one of the better things to have come from the Halo community as of late.
>
>
> The name is a parody, yes. However, we’re not insulting them—in fact, they love us. A member of HaloFollower is even part of our content team.
Nice to know. I got that bad feeling because a lot of people around here are jerks to them…
> 2535449034853709;10:
> > 2533274876631466;9:
> > > 2535449034853709;8:
> > > I do like the play on words there, but I do hope your no insulting HaloFollower. Sure, when they were new they had som issues, but they’ve gotten better. And honestly, they’re one of the better things to have come from the Halo community as of late.
> >
> >
> > The name is a parody, yes. However, we’re not insulting them—in fact, they love us. A member of HaloFollower is even part of our content team.
>
>
> Nice to know. I got that bad feeling because a lot of people around here are jerks to them…
It’s unfortunate, really. Most of them are really nice people and are all great to work with.
Hey ummm, can I ask for a favor? Could you guys get the Survivors roleplay I’m in an advertisement on your site and one of HaloFollower’s youtube videos? The guy in charge (Rookie) would be amazed! And we could use some exposure if you know what I mean…
> 2535449034853709;12:
> Hey ummm, can I ask for a favor? Could you guys get the Survivors roleplay I’m in an advertisement on your site and one of HaloFollower’s youtube videos? The guy in charge (Rookie) would be amazed! And we could use some exposure if you know what I mean…
I’ll have to talk to Fishy about HaloFollower, but I can definitely advertise you with the site! I’ve talked to Roomie before, he’s pretty cool.
It would be cool if John Cena were actually in the game. Jeremy Wade making a cameo, well that’s nice, too. I think they both rock.
I’m a Metal Gear fan so I think Snake making an appearance as Chief’s 20th century cousin would be awesome.
“Snake, snaakke!”
> 2533274876631466;13:
> > 2535449034853709;12:
> > Hey ummm, can I ask for a favor? Could you guys get the Survivors roleplay I’m in an advertisement on your site and one of HaloFollower’s youtube videos? The guy in charge (Rookie) would be amazed! And we could use some exposure if you know what I mean…
>
>
> I’ll have to talk to Fishy about HaloFollower, but I can definitely advertise you with the site! I’ve talked to Roomie before, he’s pretty cool.
Thanks man! The others will go nuts when they see this publicity!
Just last Week I had no friends and was unable to talk as my sense of Humour was terrible. My life had be a struggle for all the 6 years before as well, but thanks to you and Swallower Crew, I have more friends than ever. I can now speak Spanish and my humour is so crap that I am being Recognised as a clown. And I am also being laughed at and regularly bullied. This is the most social I have been my entire life, thanks to you.
> 2535449034853709;16:
> Should I send you a summary/synopsis in a message that you can use on your site and perhaps for HaloFolower?
Please do!
> 2533274926304395;17:
> Onion-Halo Edition?
More or less.
> 2533274882881665;18:
> Dear Swallower
> Just last Week I had no friends and was unable to talk as my sense of Humour was terrible. My life had be a struggle for all the 6 years before as well, but thanks to you and Swallower Crew, I have more friends than ever. I can now speak Spanish and my humour is so crap that I am being Recognised as a clown. And I am also being laughed at and regularly bullied. This is the most social I have been my entire life, thanks to you.
> -Sincerlly Tipping all the Fedoras
> CorruptKnight7
> 2533274876631466;19:
> > 2533274882881665;18:
> > Dear Swallower
> > Just last Week I had no friends and was unable to talk as my sense of Humour was terrible. My life had be a struggle for all the 6 years before as well, but thanks to you and Swallower Crew, I have more friends than ever. I can now speak Spanish and my humour is so crap that I am being Recognised as a clown. And I am also being laughed at and regularly bullied. This is the most social I have been my entire life, thanks to you.
> > -Sincerlly Tipping all the Fedoras
> > CorruptKnight7
>
>
> Okay this made me LOL.
