Short Story

Community General Discussion
1

Hey there. I’ve been working on a short story, obviously based in the halo universe. I recently completed my first ‘chapter’ and would like some feedback on it please keep it constructive.
It’s not the best by far please keep in mind it needs another 10+ proof reads to insure it flows well and all of that.
This is my first thing like this ever, I ask if you wish to share this you link this thread and I’m credited.
Many thanks, Hope you enjoy what I have so far.

Halo: Sparhawk
Chapter one: The Little Pink Girl (1/3)
“This is 1st Lieutenant Thompson, Sam Thompson of the UNSC Hades, 13th ODST.
Sparhawk is down. I repeat sparhawk is down the super intendant States 100% death rate. The flood overwhelmed us. 5 of my ODST survived as well as a single Spartan they are en route to hades.
Im going to detonate manually. the detonator is fried, I’ve said my goodbyes anyway.
Put the remains of my squad into the Spartan 4 program. They deserve it.
This is 1st Lieutenant Thompson, signing out”
-3 days before transmission-
“Lieutenant this is the greatest ship the UNSC has to offer, honestly, take the offer. This is your last mission and it’s easy your only on the pickup” Anthony, admiral of the 13th fleet, says to Thompson.
“Will my boys fit in, is it cosy” he replies, walking to the armoury
“It’s very snug indeed, you’ll be operating with 3 Spartans as well as 100 marines. Not to mention the newbies to 13th squad…”
“They are replacements, it’s in the job description. They are not newbies you treat them with respect.” Thompson interjects, starting to be frustrated.
“I apologise lieutenant, that was…un called for. They drill the thought of them being military hard wear into you, I forget that they are human every now and then. Now then shall i assemble them all in the hanger?”
“Do it” Thompson sturdily replies
Upon the hangar deck, 12 ODST stand at ease. Awaiting the arrival of there new squad captain’
“Apparently this guys is tougher than a snaghilis -Yoink- skin” Sargent Blake whispers to gunnery Sargent Farsight.
George sniggers as 1st Lieutenant, Thompson walks on deck, 12 pairs of boots click as 12 hands raise to the foreheads.
“At ease, at ease. So you were all told it’s a civilian exfiltration. Well, you were lied to. There is suspicion of a flood outbreak, a great suspicion and by that i mean ONI, has told us the location of a ‘mother hive’. Two covenant corvettes fell from the sky within hours. Navel Intel says we didn’t fire now things like that don’t happen. We are to extract who we can but our top priority is the hive, we get that we save the day, and the planet.” Thompson starts to pace uneasily
“The chances are we don’t make it out. The marines are going in as food in hope we can get the job done. We have some Spartan buddies too. Although we do the Nuke work they are here to lend a hand and kill what they can in hopes of one of us setting the nuke. That is all, you are dismissed to your quarters, your briefing is ONI classified now. You will be given your tactical briefing at 1000 tomorrow, once we are in orbit” Thompson stops pacing, waves his hand and the ODST grab there bags and March into a nearby pelican.
The thrusters engage, “buckle up kids” the pilot says, the pelican shoots up.
After 13 minuets they get close to the ship. The pelican dwarfs next to it, flying on it’s left side. The back hatch opens, the ODST smile at the glory of the jet black ship as it shimmers and fades.
“They’re calibrating the stealth field” Private Sydny yells over the roar of the Pelicans engines.
“I see your our resident tech girl, just don’t die, I have a T.V back home that needs fixing” angel yells back, sniggering.
The hatch lights up yellow as they pass through the ships shields. The pelican slows then descends and the ODST stand, grab there bags from the collective pile in the middle then they jog out and form a single file line. Standing at ease awaiting orders.
Much to there surprise a pink light flickers on, and before them stands a 6 year old girl. “Hi there” she says waving one arm “I’m phoebe, your AI”
The group all reply with numerous greetings like zombies while they get there heads around why an AI would choose be look like a 6 year old child.
“I see your all confused, as to why I look this way? I look like this because it’s cute. Don’t worry, I’m one of the fastest model AI units out there your all safe with me”
Private Edwards steps forward and leans down and gestures a hand shake “my names rose, rose Edwards”
The AI gestures back, laughing “I know who you are, I know who all of you are, it’s my job to. I know how you got the scar on you knee, and why master Sargent Angel isn’t married to Sargent major Jades. Trust me, I got yo back” she try’s to make a hand gesture, trying to fit in then gives up and stands up straight.
“Your quarters are this way, follow me”
She leads them down a massive corridor, pointing to the left and right.
“Bathroom, kitchen, bathroom, lounge”
She stops, standing in a large room with many bunk beds. “Pick and mix, find a bunk, there’s one each. The armoury is at the end of this room, beyond that is your drop pod bay and briefing room. You will arrive in location in 24 hours at the most” the child fades and the ODST look around, calling bunks.
Sargent major Macie Jades, and master Sargent angel walk to the back, making a bed on the floor with two mattresses.
“Macie” he grabs her arm before she through’s a double sheet on ,which she stashed in her bag,
“What” she hastily replies
“What’s wrong, I can tell when something’s up, I know you” he releases her arm and she makes the bed
“I’m just uneasy. I hate it when we drop together, I hate the thought of watching you die” she holds his chest and rests her head, he wraps her up in his arms.
“I know but remember, it’s you who’s in more danger I heard im deployed for cover I’ll get a hotel or something. The roof I admit but nothing’s gunna touch me, and as long as I’m there nothing’s going to touch you”
All the ODST fell into there respective beds, and lights went out.

2

Chapter 1 Cont. (2/3)
At the bridge, Thompson is talking to phoebe, looking for sight lines so they can navigate safely through the city. “I want the ODST in through here through drop point Charlie, covered by Angel and Farsight here, the Spartans will come in through bravo in the east. I want the marines periodically stationed around this area insuring all civvies are clear, and covie scum don’t get close. They think this is one of there holy sites. Stupid purple bloods don’t know there’s a flood hive there. We on the other hand do so let’s make this quick”
“Send them to the bridge please, phoebe. Now” Thompson tells her
“Aye aye sir” she snaps to attention. “anyone else?”
“your two best pilots. ASAP” he says trying not to laugh as she clicks her boots and flickers then disappears.
The child fades, then appears in the ODST’s room. Flashing two lights onto Richard Angel and George Farsight. they both scramble to rise, alert, scanning the room for intruders until the realise it’s the AI.
“The -Yoink- do you want Phoebe it’s not even morning yet!” angel whispers, with an increasingly harsh tone.
“Don’t be so rude Sargent, your step daddy will get mad.” Besides, it’s never morning in space. He wants you both on deck now. Get dressed." She gets more stern as the sentence ends. Both Rich and George stand, throw on there cargos and begin to jog down to the bridge.
Racing to wake themselves up, they sprint down the monolithic hallways. A ship this size takes around 10 minutes to get anywhere They arrived at the door almost climbing over each other and laughing, not even visibly affected by the strenuous journey
Thompson greets them with a half smile half frown. “At ease you two” he told them gesturing for them to relax a bit by the holo table in the centre of the room.
Five minutes passed as the commander got visibly agitated.
“Where are those -Yoinking!- PILOTS” he roared slamming the table. The two ODST’s were not the flinching type, but Angel raised his eyebrows at Farsight over the commanders sudden outburst.
Slowly they heard two pairs of boots thud up the gang way as two marines collapse red faced at the door. The first of the marines picks himself up, stands to attention and roars
“sir, private Jacobs sir. pilot”
The second scrambles to her feet, wobbling a bit
“sir, private mendezz sir. also a pilot”
the end of her sentence slopes as she rests her hand on her knees gasping for air.
“About time you two!” he snapped, then softened slightly as they winced. “take a seat” he told them, gesturing to a chair at the table. When they had their breath back he sat down in his plush leather armchair.
“you know why you’re here?”
they nodded “then you know this sure as hell won’t be easy…”
The five of them sat around the table. The AI changes shape, so it has boxes to stand on so it can keep the child persona, it leans over the table.
“The planet is sparhawk. We have high assets here…and well We need your help angel, and yours Farsight. This building overlooks our operating area.” He points at a massive building, which happens to be the ONI ‘white tower’.
“Get to the top of that, and we are set. We run in, set the nuke and you shoot any basted that -Yoinks!- with us.”
“What’s the catch sir” angel leans in observing the building, as he softly speaks.
“You leave now and stay over night on location, it’s night time. So we should go unnoticed, we hope. The pelican we will be using is experimental. It uses minimal sound, as well as emitting next to no heat. You will be on location in 2 hours Angel, we have a new toy for you.”
He turns off his chair, walks to a metal locker and unclips a rifle. As he turns the light illuminates a matte black sniper rifle, with an extended barrel and silencer. He hands it to angel and walks back to the locker and pulls out another rifle. This one was matte black also. “This was mine, it painted Matt black. It has an extended mag, night vision 20x4x scope as well as a suppressor. The perfect rifle for a snipers spotter.” He hands it to Farsight. “You both have modified armour, perfect for your task. The armourer is waiting in your teams armoury, just past your bunks. You better let them know your off. The pelican your using is the only black one in the hangar. Pop to it.” The waves his arm forcing the ODST away.
He tells the gestures for the pilots to stand “Off you go, Phoebe will brief you on your walk. You better bring a bag and scrabble. Your camping with them”
Back in the bunk room the ODST are frantically explaining to the rest of there squad what’s going on, while trying to buckle them selfs in. The other ODST stand around them. Helping them get into there armour as if it were a ritual. That’s what sets 13th aside. They know that they probably won’t make it back out, so they check everything to make sure there bothers and sisters make it back.
Sandra stands, gripping rich from the back of his head kissing him, he kisses back before pulling his head back to speak “I promise not to stare at your -Yoink- if I get bored” he sniggers as she hits him with his helmet as she puts him into it. Farsight turns, and knuckle touches angel, before they jog to the hanger.
The AI shoots down the long corridor making the pilots run “hurry, your rebreathes are on your chairs in the cockpit so are you backpacks now run, the ODST are quick at dressing” the AI yells, then disappears. The pilots jog to the hanger, trying to get there before the ODST. To there surprise, the two ODST stood there. In there Matte black armour, weapons under. There bags on there backs, the size of the soldier themselves. Farsight wore a side holster for his suppressed magnum. His other leg has a large pouch, although the marines couldn’t figure out what it contained.
“What’s in the pouch, Farsight, sir” Jacobs asked. Farsight laughed.
“Anti personal mines, nothing to fancy.”
The two marines nod, then gesture for the ODST to get in the back. They walk aboard the dark ramp, then throw there bags into the gangway and clip there weapons next to there seats before the sit down and buckle in. Over the intercom mendezz counts down from 5 before taking off.
It takes only minuets to reach the city, a loud thud hits as the interior turns red and the ship cloaks, similar to how the hades does, they slow as the descend.
The pelican hits the roof of the tower, the doors disengage with a his and the two ODST Rush out with there suppressed side arms making sure the roof is clear before the marines come out.

3

Chapter 1 cont. (3/3)
“Clear” Farsight whispers over the radio
“Clear.” Angel whispers back
The two marines emerge from the pelican, clenching there assault rifles.
“Grab our bags please” angel points to the pelican as the marines get out.
“Of course sir” both marines Rush in then Drag the bags out.
“Over there will be fine, that’s the point we will use” Farsight points to the northern edge, and the marines comply putting the backs around 4 meters from the edge. Both ODST walk to the edge, and pull out Guile suits for the marines “put these on, they help stop heat emitting. Anything else will think we are birds.” Angel throws them the two suits “best take that all off you’ll overheat, which defeats the point of these suits.”
The two marines strip off, putting on the suits. Before being thrown a suppressed SMG each. “These arnt cheap don’t loose it” Farsight exclaims.
The marines nod once more. Still being formal.
“Please -Yoinking!- relax your making me want to jump of this already. Loosen up, we’re all equals on the battlefield” Farsight says, standing and enthusiastically jumping side to side. The two ODST sit down, relaxing, pulling there helmets off before pulling out small stools, binoculars, radios as well as a few flasks among other items.
"How old are you two?* Jacobs asks trying to make farsights Little dance less awkward.
“21” angel says, after Farsight adds “me too, and your selves?”
The two marines look surprised how two ODST could even care, they enthusiastically reply “19 sir”
“How did you make an ace pilot so young?” Farsight replies, leaning forward.
Mendezz loosens up, before stating “I was an air cadet it’s in my blood, my mother was a pilot, so how do two young lads make high ranking ODST”
“You basically go in, train, and leave. Nothing more.” Angel says, staying more formal
“Do you guys like camping out? I heard you two do this lots” Jacobs asks.
“Enemy territory is like home to angel and I” Farsight says, looking to his left and angel
“It’s just our home has more bodies and less food” angel replies sniggering a little.
Jacobs laughs a little before Farsight tackles him down whispering “is the pelican cloaked”
Before his sentence finishes mendezz had ran in and cloaked it. Mendezz gazed as he opens his eyes more, seeing blue and purple glows followed by a trail of black smoke ahead as a super carrier falls from the sky.
“Be more alert…please. I want some nice food before I die” Farsight exclaims, slightly annoyed they rise to there feet.
“Good job mendezz” angel says walking forward. “You may of saved us. Now bench up its going to be a long night” as he finishes his sentence he turns around, lying down, putting his helmet on and then pulling his rifle close as he shuffles to the edge in position. Farsight accompanies him, his helmet clips on and he raises his binoculars, and starts whispering about movement in the shadows ahead. Angel raises his Rifle into position then fires.