Sangheili General on Escape from A.R.C

I really do feel bad for that guy. Every game I have played he gets set upon by a whole team of kill-hungry spartan IVs. I figured I owe it to that poor dino to make public his ordeal. He gets no love from the Halo community (or his wife for that matter).
-Excerpts from audio diary of Gaxelblarg, Devourer of Worlds…
“Every stinkin’ time! Join the UNSC spartan training program they said. It will be fun they said.”
“It’s an easy job they said. Twenty dollars a game and paid vacations they said.”
"Lies, treachery, and deceit. This whole arrangement is just a big fat load!)
“Every day I go to work, drop out of a phantom and get the tar beaten out of me immediately by a crowd of human demons, and for what, to make end’s meet? So i can go home at the end of the day and be clawed by Blorgetha my ugly beast of a wife and our disgusting rabble of nasty lizard children. There is no honor in that. Each evening its the same thing when I get back, weary from a daily -yoink-whooping. Do I get a hot meal of raw, dripping colo flesh and sympathy from a loving spouse? No! What I do get is cold bowl of gruel and an earhole-full.”
—Insert audio excerpt from D’zola keep (Quirvo, Sangheilios)
Blorgetha (wife of Gaxelblarg): “Back late again you useless lump, after I had gotten my hopes up that you’d gone and died, first useful thing you’d actually would’ve done. My mother was right you know. You’ll never amount to anything. Me though, I had a life ahead of me. I had potential. I could have done anything. I could have been an ACTRESS! But no, I put my dreams on hold, for what? For 300 or so gross little lizard mutants? For a useless husband who won’t even look at me anymore? You haven’t said you loved me in more than 700 years!”
(There you go 343, here’s a new audiolog for you. You could come up with other funny stories for the various warzone bosses and award them to players who manage to kill them.)

OP has nailed it here.

There’s always a minimum of a half-dozen Spartans just waiting to destroy him the moment he spawns. I usually have a hard time getting involved in the kill because of how quickly he gets obliterated.

> 2535463269171212;2:
> OP has nailed it here.
>
> There’s always a minimum of a half-dozen Spartans just waiting to destroy him the moment he spawns. I usually have a hard time getting involved in the kill because of how quickly he gets obliterated.

Staring up at his phantom like piranhas. Waiting to devour his soul.

Nice post, OP, very much enjoyed!

He’s an Elite. Suck it up and die like a legend. He’ll have songs sung about him for centuries. He died with honour fighting 12 demons!

This made me LOL. You’re right he must be the fastest dying Sangheili General of all time. Poor guy.

Just the reactions I was hoping to gather. Poor old Gaxelblarg…

dude, what if 343 mixed it up on us and suddenly dropped hunters on top of the team?

This is gold, 343 needs to add this ASAP

> 2601632999026533;4:
> He’s an Elite. Suck it up and die like a legend. He’ll have songs sung about him for centuries. He died with honour fighting 12 demons!

Lol.

> 2533274830700227;1:
> I really do feel bad for that guy. Every game I have played he gets set upon by a whole team of kill-hungry spartan IVs. I figured I owe it to that poor dino to make public his ordeal. He gets no love from the Halo community (or his wife for that matter).
> -Excerpts from audio diary of Gaxelblarg, Devourer of Worlds…
> “Every stinkin’ time! Join the UNSC spartan training program they said. It will be fun they said.”
> “It’s an easy job they said. Twenty dollars a game and paid vacations they said.”
> "Lies, treachery, and deceit. This whole arrangement is just a big fat load!)
> “Every day I go to work, drop out of a phantom and get the tar beaten out of me immediately by a crowd of human demons, and for what, to make end’s meet? So i can go home at the end of the day and be clawed by Blorgetha my ugly beast of a wife and our disgusting rabble of nasty lizard children. There is no honor in that. Each evening its the same thing when I get back, weary from a daily -yoink-whooping. Do I get a hot meal of raw, dripping colo flesh and sympathy from a loving spouse? No! What I do get is cold bowl of gruel and an earhole-full.”
> —Insert audio excerpt from D’zola keep (Quirvo, Sangheilios)
> Blorgetha (wife of Gaxelblarg): “Back late again you useless lump, after I had gotten my hopes up that you’d gone and died, first useful thing you’d actually would’ve done. My mother was right you know. You’ll never amount to anything. Me though, I had a life ahead of me. I had potential. I could have done anything. I could have been an ACTRESS! But no, I put my dreams on hold, for what? For 300 or so gross little lizard mutants? For a useless husband who won’t even look at me anymore? You haven’t said you loved me in more than 700 years!”
> (There you go 343, here’s a new audiolog for you. You could come up with other funny stories for the various warzone bosses and award them to players who manage to kill them.)

This was absolutely hilarious!

> 2533274968681349;8:
> This is gold, 343 needs to add this ASAP

Thanks. I was just sitting around, bored out of my wits, and decided to write this little thing in honor of that dino. He is something of a running joke among my friends and I. Whenever he dies at the start of a game we always say things like, “Join the UNSC Wargames Simualtion they said. It will be fun they said.”

The general is at least accompanied by some jackals, willing to honorably stand by his side. He shall not die alone. He may not get paid enough for what he does, but he’s probably hoping his heroic efforts garners him the privilege of having himself enshrined, as a monument, in Sanghelios. Every time he drops down, he yells, “for Sanghelios!!”

What at an inspiring General.

That was the funniest thing I read all day.

Those jackels got mugged off. No amount of money could motivate them to face 12 Spartans even with a Sanghelli General! They must have been paid a lot and kept in the dark. Hope they got paid in advance, can’t take it with you.

@OP That was awesome!

Let’s be honest, he was practically suicidal. I mean there is absolutely no way he doesn’t see us just waiting for him to hop out of the Phantom. Yet time after time, as if on some cued sting of fate, he jumps to his imminent death.

> 2661949065475413;16:
> Let’s be honest, he was practically suicidal. I mean there is absolutely no way he doesn’t see us just waiting for him to hop out of the Phantom. Yet time after time, as if on some cued sting of fate, he jumps to his imminent death.

Could he be the reptilian equivalent of Bill Murray, and is caught in some Groundhog’s Day-esque time loop of warzone gameplay? I smell a looming conspiracy theory.

> 2533274832270871;7:
> dude, what if 343 mixed it up on us and suddenly dropped hunters on top of the team?

I’d pay 343i $100 if they dropped a pair of hunters in the Sangheili Gereals spot. Imagine how many players would get crushed when they jump out of the Phantom

I’ve seen that big guy taking with him 3-4 Spartans right before dying, either with his sword or with some 'nades. Even when he was completely outnumbered, he preffered to fight back rather than running away. What a fierce warrior, his honor in combat shall be told to the generations to come.

> 2533275007059966;18:
> > 2533274832270871;7:
> > dude, what if 343 mixed it up on us and suddenly dropped hunters on top of the team?
>
>
> I’d pay 343i $100 if they dropped a pair of hunters in the Sangheili Gereals spot. Imagine how many players would get crushed when they jump out of the Phantom

It’d actually be cool if they cycled the bosses every so often to switch it up on us. Everyone is expecting the Knight Strategos to appear, & BOOM! Warden Eternal to whip that -Yoink-!