Simple. Post a Halo-themed joke, pun, quip, witty remark, etc. Whoever makes me laugh the most gets 4 Plat packs. Obviously keep it forum-appropriate. You have until the end of the day on Monday. No second place prize; there can only be one.
I just walked up to her and said hey girl, imma get you goin on some of that brute plasma action- you know just to heat you up and get your shields down a bit.
Now your’e gonna end up taking a bit of splash damage from a couple sticky nades… leavin you one shot.
Now me perched up above from that birds eye view im prepared to finish you with a ground pound.
Metaphorically speaking of course.
Two Sangheili walked into a bar. The Unggoy laughed and walked under it. Then said Unggoy got executed for mocking superiors.
I’ll add three packs to the mix provided I get a chuckle out of something in this thread.
There was a radical cult-ish section of the Covenant called the Governors of Contrition. They believed that everything Forerunner related and Forerunner-created were the epitome of perfection.
Unfortunately, that included the Flood. They considered Flood forms to be the perfect life form and something to embrace and protect, and considered it an honor to be infected by one.
In Ghosts of Onyx, a Shipmaster was such a member, and during the Battle of Installation 05, he ordered his ship to land on the ring, doors opened, and politely invite the Flood inside.
He was shot in the back of the head and replaced about 5 seconds later because they weren’t having any of that Yoink!
Not a joke, actually happened. I just found it funny & interesting.
How many grunts does it take to change a lightbulb.
None because they freak out run around with plasma nades and explode.
What is a Sangheili that likes flowers?
Dead.
Chief loves shooting his plasma cannon
arbitar? he went to arbys
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> arbitar? he went to arbys
Please don’t post multiple times in a row. You can edit your posts to add information and respond to multiple people in a single post.
> 2533274829462729;8:
> Chief loves shooting his plasma cannon
For this you win Negative one packs. You can send the pack you now owe to a random community member.
There once was a judge whose wife was expecting a child. The judge’s sole aim in life was to have a son who would share his passion for law, and eventually become a famed judge himself. The first action he took to ensure this was the case was giving his son a name that reflected his career- ‘Guilty’. His wife strongly disagreed with this decision, but she reluctantly allowed her husband to give their child this unconventional name after he told her of the success that Guilty would experience if he became a judge. However, as many would expect, Guilty was mocked and bullied for his bizarre name, which made him miserable throughout much of his childhood. However, he was able to find comfort in one thing- his local park, where he would go to clear his mind after a long day. During his time there, he developed a bond with the park-keeper- a kindly old man, who was unmarried and had no children. After several years of repeatedly visiting the park, shortly after Guilty turned 25 years old, the parkeeper passed away, and during the reading of his will it was revealed that he left his pride and joy in life- the park- to Guilty. Guilty swore that he would continue the old man’s legacy as best he could, and make the park better than ever. After investing in some renovations, the park became more popular than ever before, and was well-known amongst the locals in his town. Despite his father’s disapproval, Guilty was very much happy with his life and career.
At some point, two men had made it their goal to travel around the United States, and visit every park they possibly could. They made a list of all the 350 parks they intended to visit, and put them in numbered order. Towards the end of their expedition, having already visited just finished visiting the 342nd park on their list, one man turned to the other and said:
“Are you ready for 343- Guilty’s Park?”
The part you’re supposed to laugh at is the notion that anyone would find this funny.
2 Unggoy are in a battle that involves the Demon. They see an injured Sangheili and use the opportunity to flee the battlefield by rescuing him. In exchange or their good deed, they get put on the front lines. They come face to face with the Demon.
Hey How Should We Make Grunts more deadly. Put In a a big robot grunt suit. 343 laugh in a evil voice. Lol I try
He is a living breathing weapon,with a big suit with lots of technological advancements, who can save the universe,fall from space and live, and tell a commanding officer to shut the hell up…
But he can’t swim…
I don’t need the packs but if I do win could I send them to a friend who I owe?
Well, I’m bad at quips, puns and anything else related, so I’ll tell you a story. Maybe that’ll be funny, maybe it won’t
Anyway, I was playing Halo 3 Throwback, and we were on The Pit. We weren’t doing so well, so I got into the Sword room and started camping, watching my motion tracker. I dropped enemy after enemy using a combination of Smart Scope and Sword. Eventually, they got sick of me and started lobbing grenades around the corner, trying to smoke me out. It didn’t go the way they expected, as I lunged at them from half way down the hall. Actually had to replace my sword at that point, and a new one had just spawned.
I keep it up for a while, until all four of them show up, armed to the teeth. One of them decided to get a rocket launcher. I massacred most of them, nabbed the launcher, and killed two more with said launcher before they respawned. They finally managed to get me by spamming grenade after grenade into the room.
Legends still speak of the monster in the Sword room, who lunges from a great distance at prey foolish enough to enter it’s lair…
Anyeay, not what you’re looking for, but it was utterly hilarious when it happened, and is probably my best moment in Halo 5. Thanks for the giveaway!
Well, to start, you can watch this video (Click Meh!) to see the magical misadventures of Joe Chief in Halo: Halos in Space!
If it has to be something more original, Cizlin and I worked on this. So with some thought, Cizlin and I used his cookie logic to have a possible explanation to the Halo Universe and we came up with something. We believe all the events of Halo was caused by cookies. How you ask? Well, sit back and listen. As alot of you know, the Precursors were the oldest known entities in the Halo Universe and were the only ones to reach Tier Zero tech level. Of course they went along the galaxies seeding them with life using their neurophysics abilities.
When they arrived at the Milky Way, they used their abilities to create new life there as well. In time, the Forerunners were a potential inheritor of the Mantle, however were deemed unworthy by the Precursors due to how the humans were progressing more technologically as well as growing with more wisdom than the Forerunners. Little did the Forerunners know that humans learned to make cookies and not just any cookie, the perfect cookie. Humans learned not just how to make great tasting cookies, but also learned how to carefully make them and put care and love into them.
When several batches of cookies were given to the Precursors, them already being impressed with the humans process of growth, they tasted the best thing they ever had and it brought them warmth inside. Knowing that they themselves could not make the perfect sugary disc and already impressed with the humans beforehand, to ensure the cookies also would continue to be baked to perfection, as well as the mantle being upheld by humanity, they now seen humanity as the inheritors of the Mantle of Responsibility.
The Forerunners did not know that the cookies were the seal to the deal for the humans to be the new inheritors of the Mantle. They did not understand the precursors decisions, and became jealous and in doing so revolted. They went after their creators and pushed them to the brink of extinction. Some precursors dissolved themselves into a fine powder hoping that one day they could regenerate into a former form of themselves, while a select few put themselves into a state of suspended animation, all remembering the love the humans gave in the form of cookies.
As we know, after eons, the powder from the Precursors who dissolved themselves became flawed and corrupted. In time, ancient humanity found this powder on a ship and decided to test it, not knowing what it was. They tested it on a pet, known as a Pheru (Correct the spelling if it is wrong). The earlier generations had improvements from the powder, but the later generations became aggressive, attacking their owners and starting the spread of the Flood.
When the Precursors found out about the Flood, they seen the Flood as an opportunity to unite all life, stripping them of free will, so that none of their creations would ever again uprise and cause harm to their creators, but the yearning for the cookies remained. Since the Flood had the memories of the Precursors they used to be, the craving for the perfect cookie also existed in them too. Humans did not initially realize that the Flood were a corrupted variant of the Precursors and didn’t think to give them cookies. Due to this, the Flood spread like wildfire, forcing humanity to try to use brute force and technology to try to quash the infection.
The Forerunners, still upset with the Precursors, seen the humans actions and out of spite and hatred considered it an act of war from them, using the excuse that the Humans were trying to take over the galaxy to attack them, starting the Human-Forerunner war. Eventually, about fourty years before the war ended, humans found a Precursor inside a capsule and took it to their homeworld to interrogate it to learn from it. That given precursor, as we know as the Primordial, and he explained to the humans the Flood in great detail as well as the goals the Precursors had to use the flood to unite the Galaxy and have revenge on the Forerunners for their past actions. Instead of recieving cookies as the Primordial had hoped to for being cooperative with the humans, they were severely disturbed, and placed the Primordial in a time lock device. Realizing the connection between the Flood and the Precursors, the humans found a potential cure: Cookies!
They used their baked cookies to push back the flood, to sate their hunger of wanting such warmth and love again, and the Flood receded from the Galaxy with tons of batches of cookies, making them content and happy and causing them to forget about the role the Precursors more or less assigned them. Eventually the Human-Forerunner came to an end and Humans were de-evolved as punishment for ‘attacking’ the Forerunners. The Forerunners never found the cure in reality, because it was a food source and was overlooked. Eventually, the AI Mendicant Bias was created to combat the flood, serving as the Forerunner’s defensive system. Mendicant Bias was eventually ordered by the Forerunners to test-fire Installation 07, in which freed the Primordial temporarily, only to be captured again by the Forerunners.
Mendicant Bias and the Primordial conversed for 43 years, eventually convincing the AI that the Forerunners were a bad race of beings, that the Precursors and the Flood were the good beings in the universe, causing Primordial Bias to become rampant and betray the Forerunners. The two began to test the effects of the Flood on the de-evolved humans on the installation of which they were located.
The Flood that were given cookies had finished them all at this point, craving more, so they returned to find out that the Forerunners had de-evolved the humans, making them no longer capable of making the perfect cookie. This upset the Flood greatly and sparked the memories of the old precursors to go through their mind, on how the Forerunners betrayed the Precursors and pushed them to the brink of extinction. This caused a relentless raging hunger within the flood themselves and from that point they began to carry out the act of vengeance against the Forerunners and attack them, for de-evolving humans (As they cannot make the perfect cookie) and for betraying the Precursors.
Eventually the Halos were activated, wiping out the Forerunners, Flood and any other life, leaving Mendicant and Offensive Bias to finish their epic battle, Offensive Bias winning.
You see, the events of Halo, caused by cookies. Rather odd don’t you think that in Halo 3, the Gravemind comes to Earth? yes, he is trying to carry out the Precursor’s wishes and sees himself as the lifegiver, but the craving for Cookies remains, indirectly drawing him to the humans . Doesn’t it make sense now, especially with the Halo 4 ‘Happy’ Flood? (Click Meh!)
Ur-Didact: We must destroy the Flood! I shall turn humans into robots and be unable to turn them back, that way we can destroy the Flood without giving them more fuel!
Librarian: The Humans must be protected. We must store them in safe Shield Worlds.
IsoDidact: I agree with that. Humans are an important creation of the Precursors.
Master Builder: We have constructed an array of Rings that will wipe out all life in the galaxy to destroy the Flood once and for all!
Ur-Didact: Perfect!
IsoDidact: What about all of the other life?
Librarian: I shall preserve the species’ by storing them on Shield Worlds.
IsoDidact: defeats Flood by activating Halo
Librarian: By the way, I stored Flood on each of the Halo Rings. This way, they will survive this mass genocide and allow them to come back later.
IsoDidact: Wait what why that’s so stupid.
Librarian: Also I sealed away Ur-Didact again, so he’ll have time to reflect on his past actions.
IsoDidact: If he hates humans now, why would he love them in several millenia?
Librarian: ¯_(ツ)_/¯
IsoDidact: Wouldn’t it make more sense to seal yourself?
Librarian: Nah, a pre-recorded message should be enough to activate the gei.
Face it: The Librarian caused all of the conflict. She’s not as smart as you’d think.
Three grunts walk into a tavern,
The first one says: Gimmy Coke
The second one says: Gimmy Pepsi
The third on says: Gimmy my platinum packs
Nothing left to say
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> There was a radical cult-ish section of the Covenant called the Governors of Contrition. They believed that everything Forerunner related and Forerunner-created were the epitome of perfection.
>
> Unfortunately, that included the Flood. They considered Flood forms to be the perfect life form and something to embrace and protect, and considered it an honor to be infected by one.
>
> In Ghosts of Onyx, a Shipmaster was such a member, and during the Battle of Installation 05, he ordered his ship to land on the ring, doors opened, and politely invite the Flood inside.
>
> He was shot in the back of the head and replaced about 5 seconds later because they weren’t having any of that Yoink!
>
> Not a joke, actually happened. I just found it funny & interesting.
Now I chuckled at that
What natural disaster Master Chief’s hates more?
Floods.