M$ vs 343i : a short play

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see if this sounds about right(-Yoink!- exec voice should be Cave Johnson from portal 2)

-Yoink!- exec. type- hey all you 343 eggheads gather round, here. i’ve got some marching orders from the brass upstairs.

343i- uh…ok

-Yoink!--market reports say we’re in direct competition with a title called…lemmie see here…AH! “call of duty”. So, anything this “call of duty” has, and you dont…ADD.

343i- uh…that’s not really the game we’re trying to…

-Yoink!-- Can it, egghead! the brass put together a list…

343i-sir, the halo franchise is…

-Yoink!-- First thing: multiplayer. they want killcams, FINAL killcams, killstreak rewards, loadouts, and perks.

343i- well, that will be a problem because…

-Yoink!-- Dont bother me with your problems, egghead. just do it. cut some features if you have to.

343i- what “features”?

-Yoink!-- like, i dont know…gut custom and forge options or something.

343i-the fans wont like that,sir.

-Yoink!-- we’re here to make money. not friends. second thing: there needs to be a slow, painful, crawling quicktime event for the end of the campaign. nothing says climax like a slow quicktime event.

343i- ok, now, thats just stupid

-Yoink!--careful egghead, you are replaceable. next thing: it has to come out on nov. 6

343i- WHAT!?!?!?! why?!?!?

-Yoink!-- well turns out this “call of duty” is coming out with another game the following week and we just HAVE to edge them out. also we’d really like to see Romney win.

343i- we wont even be close to ready by then. we dont have file share ready the servers are a mess. we have no idea what we’re gonna do about the spec code problem. we cant ship an incomplete game.

-Yoink!--sure you can, egghead. thats what title updates are for. only leave that til later. and dont talk about it cuz we need people focused on buying the first map pack. by the way we need that out by christmas.

343i- sir the halo community wont stand for that. they…

-Yoink!-- forget the"community". we’ll have thier money by then. we wont need to make them happy again until its time to make halo 5. and lord knows we know how to MARKET a game, at least.

343i- i really think this will go badly…

-Yoink!-- you worry too much, egghead. heh. egghead. thats funny. use that in the story. you got any new characters you want everyone to like?

343i- well there’s this one new spartan. Sarah Palmer?..she…

-Yoink!-- perfect! make her say that all the time. ok i gotta split. this is gonna be the best halo ever!(leaves)

343i- this is gonna be bad…