I’m currently in the process of writing a Halo novel to fit in with two other pieces of Halo media that I am working on, this novel taking place between the two. I want a bit of feedback on my writing style and the story I’ve laid out so far, so here’s the prologue:
This was truly magnificent.
Var Kell had spent his whole life looking for unknown, ancient, treasures, but this was not one that he could have ever anticipated. It was hard for him to believe that what he saw before him wasn’t just a hopeful mirage. The thoughts racing through his head were right.
This was truly magnificent.
He pictured all of those that ever opposed his profession; those that thought that he would never find the mysterious treasures he longed for. They all thought that this day would never come.
What would they say to him now?
Var could picture every last one of them; their jaws hanging in amazement as they gazed at his trove of ancient treasures. He could also feel their pain; the pain inflicted by the very thought that they could have had a hand in what he had found, but they were too foolish to accept the eventual reality. The pain that Var saw made him laugh. While he knew that this thought was cynical, even for him; he knew that it would be true.
What can you offer me?
This was what Var thought as he stared into the dark of the derelict Forerunner base, full of advanced technology: all of which belonged to him.
“Are you a reclaimer?” Bellowed a voice in the dark.
Var stumbled in confusion. What is that? How did it know what I was thinking? He pondered on these questions before the mysterious, mind-reading, voice prompted a response once more.
“I am afraid not.” Var replied, the fear in his voice being absurdly evident.
He continued to think about the voice for a short while, until he realised what the source was.
The voice was an ancilla.
Var could tell from the near-emotionless tone in his voice, and the fact that the voice was ever-so-slightly tinny.
This was a great opportunity, the riches Var could make from the ancilla would be unimaginable. But he knew that this opportunity wouldn’t come without a cost. The ancilla wouldn’t give in so easily, at least to Var.
“Unfortunate.” Said the ancilla, showing little emotion, despite being distressed.
“I could lead the reclaimers to you, though.” Var offered.
Reclaimer. From the years he spent studying Forerunner technology, terminology and culture, Var knew that the ‘reclaimers’ the ancilla was referring to were humans.
But Var also knew that dealing with the humans was a fool’s gambit: they would most likely end up exterminating Var and capturing the ancilla for themselves. If they, for some reason, didn’t kill Var, he would most likely end up on every bounty hunter in the galaxy’s agenda.
To Var’s knowledge, there was only one safe option he could go with. One he knew wouldn’t end up robbing him blind and wiping him off the face of the universe. That option was Jul ‘Mdama.
“Your silence seems to indicate that you are contacting the reclaimers you speak of. I trust that you are doing just that.” The ancilla said, also indicating that Var had been daydreaming for a while too long.
“Of course.” Var replied. “Who are you?”
“I am Ominous Leviathan, keeper of the Tempest and the power that it brings.”
The ancilla is guarding something? Could this get any better?
This thought circled around in Var’s mind for what seemed like an eternity, and every time it went round he became more hopeful of the fortune to come.
“The Tempest?” Var asked.
“I am afraid I cannot disclose that to you. I can see that you are not one of the reclaimers of the Mantle of responsibility.”
“I understand.” Var sighed.
A Forerunner base, and ancilla and an ancient artifact of unknown power.
Most Kig-Yar pirates wouldn’t see this in an entire lifetime of scavenging, but Var had seen all of it in a matter of minutes.
I’m sure Jul ‘Mdama would give me the whole galaxy for this.