How-to: Make your H5 thread a guaranteed hit

Games Halo 5: Guardians
1

<mark>This post has been edited by a moderator. Please refrain from making non-constructive posts.</mark>

*Original post. Click at your own discretion.

In a discussion board in which the average thread has a lifetime of a dayfly, in a discussion board in which the basically same threads (“I hate H5!” “I love H5!”) are magically reborn every three hours it’s tough to prevent your own thread from becoming a distant memory.
This is what you’ve been waiting for: The ultimate guide how to make your H5 thread a shining star!

Step 1: Drama baby!
Dramatization is nothing banal, it’s a high art.
-Yoink!- up your thread title!
“Solving the debate over H5’s multiplayer” is lame.
“343i’s incompetent game design is killing Halo” is where it is.
Be as provocative as possible without sounding too clumsy!
Know your audience, get that emotional message across!

Step 2: Stoke up the flame
Now that you’ve got their attention it’s time to get the ball rolling. The best title is useless if you can’t hold that attention within the first sentences.

> eman182
> Adding sprint to Halo is a symptom of a greater problem: 343 Industries do not know how to create a compelling shooter, let alone build a great game befit the Halo series. If you recall, Microsoft did not pick 343 Industries to succeed Halo because of their merit as developers, but rather created them to house, feed, and milk the Halo cashcow Bungie abandoned in 2007.

That rocks! Saying that 343i is incapable of creating any good FPS and that their sole right to exist is because of the need to milk Halo within the first two sentences is a real achievement!

> Targetlocked
> As evident in the Halo Waypoint forums, everyone, including myself, has a different vision for H5. With countless factions, each having their own opinion on H5’s multiplayer […]

Yawn People having different visions for H5? Seriously man! Booooring!

Step 3: Combining cleverness with your agenda
Don’t feel too self-confident yet. Your followers are eager to high-five, your antagonists are already gnashing their teeth but the hardest part is yet to come.
If you’re continuing down this path you’ll be branded as just another troll. It’s high time to change your strategy!
The trick is to exchange your club with a scalpel – or in other words: Be as merciless as before but with manners. No one likes brutes!
The beauty of your work is that you mask your agenda with actual thoughtful, valid and novel arguments.
The good news is that there is no need to discuss different perspectives as long as you make your one-sided bias sound super-eloquent or cleverly hide it in other passages.

> eman182
> [wall of text] It is always beneficial for you to scope in your weapon in Halo 5 as it decreases your bullet spread, making your shots more accurate. [wall of text]

There probably wasn’t enough space left to mention that this only applies to automatic weapons… you did it!

> Targetlocked
> The purpose of this feedback is to provide 343 industries with potential improvements that can be made to H5’s multiplayer in order to make it more appealing to [all of] the Halo community.

What the -Yoink- are you even thinking man?!
“Potential” improvements?! Jesus, don’t you know that it’s our god forsaken right to DEMAND things?!
Don’t you know that there can only be losers or winners in this war?
Don’t you know that the sensible middle ground is a lie that makes us as all losers?

THE END
Targetlocked’s 5 posts long “Solving the debate over H5’s multiplayer”
4 likes, 1 page, 7 replies

Eman182’s 5 posts long “343i’s incompetent game design is killing Halo”
295 likes, 68 pages, countless replies

2

Just to clarify: This is a parody but also how I feel this discussion board works.

I actually read Eman182’s thread, responded and thought that he had some good points shining threw. It don’t mean to disrespect him - it’s just sad that people who really put a lot of (or at least as much) thought behind their threads are getting ignored just because they’re not extreme enough.

This H5 discussion board needs more people that fight for solutions that make everyone a winner!

3

What’s the point of this thread? Apparently, you couldn’t win a debate against someone, so you created a new thread to call out on that person.

Also, reported for non-constructive posting.

4

Yeah that must be it… if you didn’t understand the purpose of this thread there’s nothing I can do for you.

5

Sadly, this is true.

6

> How-to: Make a thread that will be locked.
>
>
>
> Forget everything when it comes to making an actual proper thread with a discussion value that has some worth. Instead, you’ll be making a thread that does nothing but compound the issues of an already toxic and vile community. You, that’s right, you get to make the forums a worse place than it already is! Doesn’t that sound fun?
>
>
>
> “Well, how do I be such lowly scum?” you may ask. Well, that’s easy! Post quite literally anything - be it highly opinionated, a parody, hell, you could blame 343industries for starving children in Africa. The one simple step to achieving this is incredibly easy: Post something non-constructive.
>
>
>
> That’s it! You’re winner!

7

I’m sorry but this thread is very constructive, it may not spark discussion, but that’s not the purpose. It’s a well written satire that makes a valid point. My second biggest annoyance on these forums (first being the “purists”) is the complete lack of appreciation for well written satirical posts, that just get reported and censored for being “non constructive” or “off topic.” Ok, locking them isn’t too bad, but still, leave then there uncensored to be appreciated. It’s just awful when people post on posts like this saying “reported for non constructive post!” Lighten the hell up. Take it for what it’s intended as, and apreciate it. The policing on these forums is quite rediculous, and is sometimes in my honest opinion completley unjustified.

8

This whole time i thought it was
A) flame 343 because of X
Or
B) talk about Sprint

The only thread devoid of either/both these is the thread on elites and the thread on multiplayer bots.

9

This was never meant to be just another nice thread… look at my post history and you will see that I’ve really tried to fight for tolerance in the past:

https://www.halowaypoint.com/en-us/forums/f9237adeaf1742c09de144d7bf3f7507/topics/oversimplification-and-halo-s-complex-reality/8457dd53-50ab-426f-9a95-1300b27905ed/posts

What do you see?
A thread that got completely ignored.

The irony of this thread is that I used the same ‘dirty’ mechanisms to get your attention. This thread isn’t ‘better’ than any other one-sided thread in the past and it doesn’t claim to be.
There was a satire thread a couple of weeks ago that made fun of 343i’s thinking process with H5 (how they copied from CoD). Many people loved it.

Now two of the most negative users (towards H5/343i) come in here and tell me how this post makes things even worse for the community.

> Majatek
> “Well, how do I be such lowly scum?”

… the difference is that I’m highly sarcastic but never insulting.

The whole purpose of this thread is to force a reaction, to make people think.

Well thought out threads get ignored all the time, while this board is flooded with copy & paste threads with the same content.
Most threads are a -Yoink!- contest, it’s a “we or them” mentality. There are very few users who really try to be objective or try to bring as many people on board as possible.

It’s either “-Yoink- you haters!” or “You’re the people killing Halo!”.
For me it feels as though there is no middle ground left.

I don’t even think that I’m without failure.

In my eyes there’s a lot to discuss.

10

This was just what I was thinking OP. I scrolled through the first page of Halo 5 Guardians seeing the most provoking or flame type threads that are kept on the front page. Some threads that are well thought out and just as important, if not more important, are simply buried or never to be seen again. The threads that last so many pages are ones that make a statement to provoke an audience to keep it alive. Just like the one on 343 incompetent design is killing Halo. Its kind of funny how that works huh?

Personally, I didn’t find those kinds of threads as interesting, seeing how it was quite simple to grab a flock of forum users to those threads by simply throwing the middle finger either at someone or something. Topics such as sprint breaking the game, criticisms about 343 killing halo, or just anything that seeks attention without an objective purpose is likely to bring in a lot of users.

Now there are threads that actually try to say something meaningful in a positive, constructive, well-thought out manner that lasts many pages but those are few compared to the common hate/provoking threads. Just like you said, an example is the elites thread.

I think your post here actually makes a good point but unfortunately some others will not be able to see it that way. The naysayers will always be naysayers and the haters won’t be too far behind on that.

11

> 2533274793332039;9:
> > Majatek
> > “Well, how do I be such lowly scum?”
>
>
> … the difference is that I’m highly sarcastic but never insulting.

That was an exaggeration for comedic effect, but ok.

12

> 2533274793332039;1:
> Step 1: Drama baby!
> -Yoink!- up your thread title!
> “Solving the debate over H5’s multiplayer” is lame.
> “343i’s incompetent game design is killing Halo” is where it is.
> Be as provocative as possible without sounding too clumsy!
> Know your audience, get that emotional message across!

I don’t think you get to make satirical posts about this given your other thread.

:stuck_out_tongue:

> 2533274793332039;1:
> Step 2: Stoke up the flame
> Now that you’ve got their attention it’s time to get the ball rolling. The best title is useless if you can’t hold that attention within the first sentences.
> That rocks! Saying that 343i is incapable of creating any good FPS and that their sole right to exist is because of the need to milk Halo within the first two sentences is a real achievement!

From the aforementioend thread:

> 2533274793332039;1:
> 5.) Wanted: Fresh blood. Instead of welcoming new players to our beloved franchise some purists try their best to scare them away. Any attempt to attract these players is being countered with cynicism and disgust.

I hate to be that guy but it seems mildly hypocritical to make this thread based on your previous actions. Then again you could have made that thread to prove your point before making this one I suppose.

Regardless I don’t think there’s much discussion value to this thread, though I agree that the tone of the forum needs to change.

13

Good satire, and I have to agree with the point of your post. No one seems to even look at posts that don’t express extreme opinions. It’s pretty sad, actually.