heres a summery bio for one of my characters...

Community General Discussion
1

Name: James Wolfhound

Age: 15, 3627

Gender: Male

Race: Hau’ma-Zein

Class: Spartan II (unofficially)

Rank: Spr. Cmdr.

Armor: Upgraded MK V

Primary Weapon: M392DMR (SOCOM variant)

Secondary weapon: M6S

Unit: SIGIL Militant Faction - Legion of Wolves, Special Forces, Alpha group
Bio: James was born on the world of Tau’torrah in the Dautus quadrant of the Lorkhan galaxy. a small galaxy that orbits the Milky way. he belongs to the Hau’ma-Zein a race of demonic looking Mammals who’s societal structure is similar to that of a Hierarchy. Born under the Name of Balastare after his great grand father Balastare-Khonai Troh’Varii, who won the battle of Centauri IV. at a young age, like all male children, he was subjected to what is called the ‘life’ trials, a 3 tiered training program that forces them to become hardened soldiers. at his 5th century he graduated from the program as the 2nd highest in his class, attaining the rank of Dol (1st Lieutenant). over the coming years he quickly rose through the ranks, gaining several commendations for leadership as well as lethality in combat. in his 3rd millennia he traveled to earth to fight against the Dhemo-Uhtzi, a race of space faring Marauders. in the battle he inadvertently released a creature his people believed to be pure myth: a Leviotache, colossal creatures that fed on the energies of stars. cooperating out of desperation for survival, he, his Hau’ma-Zein forces, and the Dhemo-Uhtzi managed to kill the monster after which the Uhtzi were imprisoned and later sentenced to death. returning home he was awarded the chouzhuns or hero’s metal, similar to the medal of honor awarded on our world) for his actions.
2000 yrs l8r at a time of peace, he was sent to the Uhtzi’s home world on a diplomatic mission to secure a peace treaty with their leader Jammisur, who in times past was raised and even subjected to the trials of the Hau’ma-Zein’s culture. Falling into what turned out to be a trap, James was imprisoned and tortured for over 3 yrs. before he was thought to have been executed by the zhatsune, a device that is believed to negate the bodies electrical impulses. later discovery revealed that it displaced it, often taking it to other worlds entirely, for James the world that he was displaced to was Earth, at the end of the Ice age. over the course of human history, he was displaced again and again before settling upon his currant life as Wolfhound, were he aided in founding the SIGIL, a Faction based, Para-Military Organization whos long term objective was the unification of earth governments, along with his wife, Illiana, now deceased, and daughter Angelique who commands the Artanis, the Legions Flagship. in 2163 the SIGIL high command, the Conclave, ordered the activation of the ‘resurgence’ protocol, a long term contingency that when certain parameters were met, would re-awaken over 80% of the organizations, Military, Scientific, and Economic capabilities. these were met at the fall of harvest. the Legions full reactivation was not completed until 4 years after the battle of instillation 00 with the excavation and awakening of Wolfhound himself on their installation on the planet Reach, which was buried due to the extensive glassing from the Covenant fleet. though he is not a true Spartan, he is able to ware (with the mechanical upgrades surgically implanted) MJOLINIR class powered armor because of his peoples naturally reinforced skeletal structure and enhanced strength. today he is tasked with the re capture of covenant controlled worlds.

lemme know what u guys think or if u have any questions, by all means, message me!
thanks
James SA-014

2

> cooperating out of desperation for survival, he, his Hau’ma-Zein forces, and the Dhemo-Uhtzi managed to kill the monster after which the Uhtzi were imprisoned and later sentenced to death.

So he gained their trust to help defeat a common enemy… and then killed them all even after they had been a captured. This doesn’t make him likeable.

> returning home he was awarded the chouzhuns or hero’s metal, similar to the medal of honor awarded on our world) for his actions.

He really was brave to unleash an abomination from beyond the stars and leave everyone else to deal with it before backstabbing them.

> 2000 yrs l8r at a time of peace, he was sent to the Uhtzi’s home world on a diplomatic mission to secure a peace treaty with their leader Jammisur,

This is kinda making me wonder why this war started anyway, but we’re not finding out. Anyway, why would a soldier be sent for a diplomatic meeting? L8r? Yep, real
formality.

> Falling into what turned out to be a trap, James was imprisoned and tortured for over 3 yrs.

Why he is now suddenly James? I can’t really blame them considering James backstabbed them earlier.

“before he was thought to have been executed by the zhatsune”
Thought by who? The UNSC only know about this through James telling them, right? How would he know what they were thinking?

The bit about SIGIL didn’t really make much sense; where’s everybody else? Why did they go away in the first place? Plus, it took him twenty seven years to wake up? This guy makes Lord Lytton look like bloody Usain Bolt.

> Lorkhan galaxy

And a galaxy name after some goon from the Elder Scrolls for no reason.

My final thoughts are as follows: why the hell was halo brought into this? About 90% of this guy’s story has no relation. I mean, he’s basically got the SIGIL backstory and the Alien war one, both of which could potentially work as standalone stories as they have workable ideas at their core; shoehorning in Halo at the end doesn’t do anything.

3

this is his bio. its mostly summarized and yes does not explain the SIGIL as a whole. and yes that will come later when I have more of the story nailed down.
The SIGIL is a SEPERATE entity that is not of either the UNSC or ONI.

they joined together to defeat the Leviotache, similar to how John and Thel allied themselves with the Grave-mind to stop truth in H3.

they ‘stabbed them in the back’ at the end of the conflict because it was their mission to capture them to begin with…the Uhtzi weren’t killed until after they were sentenced on Tao-torrah.

the creatures release was Accidental, he ddnt know what it even was before it was unleashed. at this time, he was relatively young. his experience in battle, though notable, were few.

the war was started because of the Uhtzi’s highly Aggressive nature, like the Vikings of old, when they saw something they wanted, they took it. it didn’t matter to them who or what they either had to go through or had it already. the Uhtzi saw something that they wanted on one of the Hau’ma-Zein’s colonies and assaulted it, forcing the Hau’ma-Zein to retaliate. the battles escalated over the centuries and during a lull in the conflict James(Balastare) was sent in to negotiate a truce that was requested by Jammisur himself. hence the Trap part…
He was sent because of the 3rd tier training he had received, which teaches them how to lead not only Militaristically but Diplomatically and Economically as well.
this level is reserved for those who would become Officers, like their version of our West point Academy. those who graduate from this level become fleet admirals, field marshals, etc.
I wrote his name as James so that the reader would understand who I was writing about. just trying to make thing easier…dunno if im succeeding…

both the Hau’ma-Zein and the Dhemo-Uhtzi were the ones who had thought this. the UNSC wasn’t even around during this time, humans were still using soft copper tools.
in addition to that, the UNSC doesn’t really know about him or his forces. all they have is basic info about him and his, like his name, rank and how he is in the field from eyewitness accounts and what little info ONI shares with them.

they Hid because of ONIs constant investigations of the SIGILs presence in both the UNSC and ONIs various conflicts. they didn’t want ONI to look to closely and realize that they had been Infiltrated.
it took them so long to wake him because of the major fighting between humanity and the covenant, this slowed them down considerably because they couldn’t take conventional routes or else they would have been obliterated and more than once they came across Thel’s Fleet of Particular justice. they had to marshal the rest of the Legion which was scattered across several systems, not all of which are in UNSC/ONI space. reach was the last place they had to go and it took them almost 2 years to dig just to get to him and the rest of the garrison. on top of that they had to deal with an A.I. that was going through Rampancy.

lol yea…idk who they are…

yea I chose that name because I am both in love with that series and because I found it relevant.

I chose to employ the Halo storyline in this because of my love for halo, for one reason…because I love the technology, I think it would be cool to have tech like that…the flood…not so much…lol

the reason that, as u say ‘90% of it isn’t about halo’ is because most of this summary takes place before the events of halo.

4

It sounds like you’re trying to introduce some of your favourite aspects of other fiction into the Halo fictional universe.

Cross-over fiction is fine, as long as it seems reasonably realistic and your readers can relate to it. This seems very elaborate in some respects and less so in others.

But the biggest failing in this bio is that I don’t feel for the character [James Wolfhound]. I can’t relate. To be honest, I’m surprised his name isn’t Ragnar Blackmane.

5

I am, this is mainly from a story that I and a few others were working on that never really went anywhere…

what areas are not? id be glad to improve on areas that need it.

ok, lol, I don’t know who that is…srry

6

Ragnar Blackmane is a character from the Warhammer 40K universe. He’s badass. But his backstory is humble and simple.

Try something original. No elaborate backstory. Keep it simple. I’ve seen too many individuals try and create something similar to the Lord of the Rings lore, just for a few characters. There’s no need.

Start off with a few simple points:

1. Why has the character become a Spartan?
2. How did they become a Spartan?
3. Keep them human! That’s the appeal of Spartans. They’re normal humans turned into killing machines, in a nutshell.
4. What troubles them?
5. What is their aim/goal in life?

Here’s a profile I wrote:

Name: Li

Gender: Male

Age: REDACTED

Service ID: B128 (SIII)

Unit: COBRA Team, NavSpecWep, S3

Rank: Petty Officer 2nd Class

Preferred Weapons: M8 Hybrid SMGs; Modified M90 shotgun

Armour Variant: Ad-Hoc/Hayabusa Japanese PBA

(P)MOS: CQB

Biography:
A former member of COBRA Team, Li is a Close Quarter Battle specialist. He favours a pair of SMG’s and a bayonet-equipped shotgun. Li is ruthless in practice but prefers to fight the Covenant to any member of the Insurrection, which sometimes puts him at odds with other members of the UNSC. He does not sympathise with the Insurrection, merely the futility of their actions – should they gain recognition and independence they will simply be swept aside by the Covenant.

Li was abandoned by his parents as a child when Arcadia was first attacked, but he sees their reason for doing so as born from madness and desperation, brought on by the war with the Covenant.

Previous Psychological Assessment:
Li-B128 is a troubled individual with a long and detailed history of selfish intentions and their resultant actions, particularly when it comes to the Covenant. Despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary he continues to deny his involvement in the theft of several Covenant close quarter weapons from the secure storage facility in the Hashva Valley on Onyx. Efforts to repatriate these items have thus far failed.

Li often exhibits a disregard for authority and finds it hard to mix with other team members – preferring, instead, to work alone. A result of his abandonment, no doubt. As of late, B128 has expressed an interest in improving his communications and technical relay training, perhaps with the actual intention of qualifying this time, though I have my doubts.

I recommend a remedial phase of team-orientated training and assignments so that he may prove himself useful in larger engagements, and with larger squads.

You’ll notice he has concerns, he’s imperfect, troubled. He is, at his core, human – but a deadly one. Use this as a guide.

7

> 2533274797756411;6:
> Ragnar Blackmane is a character from the Warhammer 40K universe. He’s badass. But his backstory is humble and simple.
>
> Try something original. No elaborate backstory. Keep it simple. I’ve seen too many individuals try and create something similar to the Lord of the Rings lore, just for a few characters. There’s no need.
>
> Start off with a few simple points:
>
> 1. Why has the character become a Spartan?
> 2. How did they become a Spartan?
> 3. Keep them human! That’s the appeal of Spartans. They’re normal humans turned into killing machines, in a nutshell.
> 4. What troubles them?
> 5. What is their aim/goal in life?
>
> Here’s a profile I wrote:
>
> Name: Li
>
> Gender: Male
>
> Age: REDACTED
>
> Service ID: B128 (SIII)
>
> Unit: COBRA Team, NavSpecWep, S3
>
> Rank: Petty Officer 2nd Class
>
> Preferred Weapons: M8 Hybrid SMGs; Modified M90 shotgun
>
> Armour Variant: Ad-Hoc/Hayabusa Japanese PBA
>
> (P)MOS: CQB
>
> Biography:
> A former member of COBRA Team, Li is a Close Quarter Battle specialist. He favours a pair of SMG’s and a bayonet-equipped shotgun. Li is ruthless in practice but prefers to fight the Covenant to any member of the Insurrection, which sometimes puts him at odds with other members of the UNSC. He does not sympathise with the Insurrection, merely the futility of their actions – should they gain recognition and independence they will simply be swept aside by the Covenant.
>
> Li was abandoned by his parents as a child when Arcadia was first attacked, but he sees their reason for doing so as born from madness and desperation, brought on by the war with the Covenant.
>
> Previous Psychological Assessment:
> Li-B128 is a troubled individual with a long and detailed history of selfish intentions and their resultant actions, particularly when it comes to the Covenant. Despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary he continues to deny his involvement in the theft of several Covenant close quarter weapons from the secure storage facility in the Hashva Valley on Onyx. Efforts to repatriate these items have thus far failed.
>
> Li often exhibits a disregard for authority and finds it hard to mix with other team members – preferring, instead, to work alone. A result of his abandonment, no doubt. As of late, B128 has expressed an interest in improving his communications and technical relay training, perhaps with the actual intention of qualifying this time, though I have my doubts.
>
> I recommend a remedial phase of team-orientated training and assignments so that he may prove himself useful in larger engagements, and with larger squads.
>
> You’ll notice he has concerns, he’s imperfect, troubled. He is, at his core, human – but a deadly one. Use this as a guide.

u make an excellent point, how ever, as for him being human? if he were UNSC I could understand, he isn’t, he is SIGIL, the reason he became a Spartan is through experimentation, the scientists that designed SIGILs Spartan program(which was piggy backed off of Halsey’s) wanted to see if the procedures would work on other species, they chose him because of how he behaves, he prefers to go to where the fighting is heaviest, not because of the thrill of the fight as others of his race have come to love, but because he would rather fight and possibly die than send in someone who will just die, he hates losing people for nothing. unlike the UNSC who has 4 variants of Spartan, SIGIL only has 3, they’re Is are virtually the same as the UNSCs IIs, and SIGILs IIs are the same as the UNSCs IVs, the IIIs how ever are true Gen IIs, not because I think they should be but because they are the offspring of Spartans who became Spartans.
As for the there suggestions u have made, I will continue to think of how best to apply them