My friend and I have been working on a Halo fan-fiction book, ever since we were first inspired by “Halo: The Fall of Reach” by Eric Nylund. Our story is about a small team of Spartans called Fireteam Neptune, who fight a rogue Spartan who has been helping insurrectionists with pirated Promethian tech. We would like to contact 343 Industries, and see if they would be interested in sponsoring the book (If anyone knows a good way to speak with someone from 343i, that would be great). On this forum, we will be posting small snippets of the book, either asking for feedback, or just as a way to get the book out there so it will maybe be found by a 343i representative. please feel free to leave comments, or fact check our work as we post it. If this book does become sponsored and published, we will make sure to leave a special thanks page naming certain individuals who were the most helpful, and thanking the Halo community as a whole.
Post Script: We will probably also be posting in depth descriptions of each character, and he team itself. Also, if by some chance you enjoy our story, and want to write your own using our characters, please contact one if us and we’ll send you files containing back stories and other helpful things like that.
Halo: The Ones Forgotten
PROLOGUE____
February 10, 2535 (MILITARY CALENDAR)
LAMBDA SERPENTIS SYSTEM, JERICHO VII, SURFACE
The air boiled with bolts of superheated plasma flying through the air. Green and blue projectiles collided with the crumbling buildings, rocks exploded, people screamed and ran through the streets. A tall figure, dressed in angular bug-like armor blocked a woman’s way. With a shriek, she was lifted into the air by the alien. A blade of white extended from its wrist, and with a slash of its arm, the woman fell silent. The lifeless body was thrown into the crowd, bowling down the fleeing citizens. The figure roared, its four mandibles splitting to show a gaping mouth. A flash of glowing pink, and another man collapsed yelling as a footlong crystal embedded itself in his calf
Pedantic and frankly unfair editing points:
“The lifeless body was thrown into the crowd; bowling down the fleeing citizens.”
Should be a comma and not a semicolon.
“The figure roared, it’s four mandibles splitting to show a gaping mouth.”
*Its.
There really isn’t enough here to actually make a solid conclusion on the quality. Seems fairly well-written so far, but 117 words (Was that intentional?) really isn’t enough to make a judgement on an entire novel. I read the character summary on your profile, and I’ll confess it does at the very least look far better than your average fanfiction.
> 2533274875814858;3:
> Pedantic and frankly unfair editing points:
>
> “The lifeless body was thrown into the crowd; bowling down the fleeing citizens.”
> Should be a comma and not a semicolon.
>
> “The figure roared, it’s four mandibles splitting to show a gaping mouth.”
> *Its.
>
> There really isn’t enough here to actually make a solid conclusion on the quality. Seems fairly well-written so far, but 117 words (Was that intentional?) really isn’t enough to make a judgement on an entire novel. I read the character summary on your profile, and I’ll confess it does at the very least look far better than your average fanfiction.
Thank you for the response. I’ll fix those spots, and I will be posting more as soon as I finish a bit more and revise it to where I think it’s good enough to put up. I actually didn’t mean to put exactly 117 words, but that’s pretty cool that it came out that way. I appreciate any feedback no matter how small. Thanks again!