Halo Reach Fanfiction preview, currently unnamed

Hey guys, here is a section of the first chapter of a fanfiction I am currently writing and would like a bit of constructive critisism on the matter, so I can know a way to improve not only this section but the rest as well, thanks.

Planet Reach
Outskirts of New Alexandria
July 28 2552

Shrieks arose from the crowd in front of him, the thousands rushed past the lone Helljumper at a dangerous speed. Those who fell, or were shorter then others were trampled under the feet of the many. Maxwell tried his best not to look, stick to his job.

“Everybody! Keep moving! The civilian evac transports are just past this bridge! Keep moving, let’s go, let’s go!” He cleared a small area large enough to pull an old man off the ground, before he could mutter a thanks through his gray beard he was pushed forward by other civilians.

Maxwell took a short glance back at Sullivan, who wove shining glow sticks, and pointed in the direction of a large orange and white UNSC transport. As a fight broke out in the crowd between two men he rushed in and blocked the two from each other, yelling at them over the consistent screaming of the crowd to get their -Yoinks!- moving!

"Covie -Yoinks!-!" Maxwell thought, “How could anybody, any THING do this?” he took a quick assessment of the situation, “All this for what?” The civilians of New Alexandria pushed past him, and one knocked him on the shoulder as she ran by, sending him sprawling and almost tripping into the massive crowd. He checked to see if his DMR was still secured on his back, he sighed in relief, it was. If he lost it under the feet of the civilians, it would be crushed, or picked up and used. The things people will do to save themselves when their lives’ or their family’s lives are at stake are incredible. An opportunity like that wouldn’t be passed up.

As he looked beyond the bridge, across the shore, he could just barely make out the city of New Alexandria in the dying light. He let out a whoosh of air, doing his best from becoming overwhelmed. Covenant have made it on to Reach, “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, it was only a matter of time before they found Reach,” When it was announced The Covenant had been spotted on Reach by a Spartan reconnaissance team, and Winter Contingency declared, the news hit home. The majority of Maxwell’s life was spent on Reach, his father always told him that his grandfather had been on Reach when it was first colonized, and brought his entire family. Reach meant something to him, which was why he enlisted in the first place.

Rain hit his visor, bringing him back to the present. He looked up into the sky, seeing the light of Reach’s moons just making its way through the darkness of the clouds. Again he sighed, the beauty, the calm before every storm, was truly remarkable on Reach. More drops hit his visor, and he activated his VISR, lighting up the darkness surrounding them. “Jinx…” he whispered into his comlink, “Can we get a few of these spotlights on for light?” The mischievous voice of the AI aboard the UNSC Cold Dawn sounded off in his ear,

“You got it Lieutenant, anything else?”

“No, that’s all for now,”

“Roger Bronze leader, over and out,” a short burst of static made its way through the com as the other end cut out. After a few seconds lights on the end of the bridge shot forward, facing the civilians making their way through the bridge. Illuminating the bridge past what his VISR outlined. He gasped, “-Yoink!-, this is gonna be a long night,”


The crowd had lessoned, only Hundreds of the original thousands remained, mostly families, or older men or women. He turned around, focusing his attention elsewhere- his heart jumped, he reached for his sidearm and pulled it from its holster as something wrapped around his leg, he turned and pointed it at the head of a small girl, who looked to be around the age of four. She looked up at him with sad eyes; he lowered his weapon, mouth open.

“You’ll protect us right?” she coughed, and a tear dropped from her eyes. “Can you save my home? My daddy’s shop?” she leaned up against him and began sobbing.

He put his back knee to the ground and holstered his magnum, kneeling so he could look the small girl in the eyes, he put a finger under her chin, inching her head up. Her face and eyes were red, from tears. “I promise that…I’ll do everything I can,” She smiled, he smiled, “Now, can you tell me where your daddy is?”