“Men, we led those dumb bugs out to the middle of nowhere to keep ‘em from gettin’ their filthy claws on Earth. But, we stumbled onto somethin’ they’re so hot for, that they’re scramblin’ over each other to get it. Well, I don’t care if it’s God’s own anti-son-of-a–Yoink- machine, or a giant hula hoop, we’re not gonna let 'em have it! What we will let 'em have is a belly full of lead, and a pool of their own blood to drown in! Am I right, Marines?” - SGT Johnson. Especialy the hula hoop part.
“This cave is not a natural formation” - Cortana
Gee you think? What part of the artificial construct we are on looks like a natural formation?
“Dear Humanity… We regret being alien -Yoinks!-. We regret coming to Earth. And we most definitely regret that the Corps just blew up our raggedy–Yoink- fleet!” -Johnson
You had your chance to be afraid before you joined my beloved Corps. But to guide you back to the true path, I brought this motivational device. Our big green style cannot be defeated!"- Johnson
“The Chief is gonna jump in this tank, roll across the bridge, and blow up any inhuman-son-of-a–Yoink- dumb enough to get between him and the Prophet of Regret! Pull yourself together, because you’re going with him!” - Johnson
“When I joined the Corps, we didn’t have any fancy-shmancy tanks. We had sticks! Two sticks, and a rock for the whole platoon - and we had to share the rock! Buck up, boy, you’re one very lucky Marine!” - Johnson
“Usually the good Lord works in mysterious ways. But not today! This here is sixty-six tons of straight up, H-E-spewing dee-vine intervention! If God is love, then you can call me Cupid!” - Johnson
“I would have been your daddy but the dog beat me over the fence!” - SGT. FREAKING JOHNSON
“Then they must love the smell of bad -Yoink-. And I left a little present for you, Arbiter. And I’m walking away. Ha-ha-ha!” - Johnson, and he actually got away with saying that to the Arbiter.
“Son, I could be your daddy, but… Never mind…” - Johnson, Reach firefight voice quote.
“That doesn’t look like an Uneven Elephant to me: looks more like two squids kissing.” - Johnson, first Strike novel.
“Then it is an even fight. All Cruisers, fire at will! Burn their mongrel hides!” - Rtas 'Vadum. Funny because we know it is true, well not completely, It was more than an even fight in favor of the Elites.
“Not bad, Spartan. I saw that explosion from orbit. Truth’s fleet lies in ruins. Find where the liar hides… so I may place my boot between his gums!” - Rtas 'Vadum
“Broadside! What fools to face our guns!” - Rtas 'Vadum, comms on the Ark in Halo 3. Yes it is awesome but funny.
“No thanks to your driving, yes.” - Master Chief in response to Cortana’s question of him sleeping well.
“Tell that to the Covenant” - Master Chief getting his new armor
“Relax. I’d rather not piss this thing off.” - Master Chief upon him and Arbiter meeting the Gravemind.
“Boo…” - Master Chief . . . to a Grunt whose reaction just takes the cake.
“Thought I’d try shooting my way out — mix things up a little.” - Master Chief again. Is it just me or does he snark at something at least once per game?
“No, Sir.” - Master Chief to Del Rio . . . who actually deserved it and the fact that everyone stood by when ordered to arrest Chief was pretty funny. It was as if they were saying this: “hell no, I am not trying that”
“You’re on.” - Master Chief in the Halo 2 E3 presentation while surrounded by a bunch of energy sword wielding Elites . . . The fact that he tosses a plasma grenade when he says this makes it even more hilarious.
That said just about everything Johnson says is funny. It is Johnson for crying out loud.
I don’t know about you guys but there are so many quotes that can be tied as the funniest. Especially he IWHBYD skull quotes XD
My answer to funniest Halo game? All of them.