Halo Funniest Quotes

Halo, as a series and universe, is often very grim and gritty, and laced with tragedy. So, it’s often a breath of fresh air when a character says something funny to reduce the tension, or simply for the hell of it. What were the funniest quotes that you have ever heard in Halo? For me, Halo 3 was a jackpot in terms of funny quotes and instances. My favorite quote in Halo was the conversation that took place between two marines in Halo 3 Crow’s Nest, with one marine in front of a door and the voice of another on the other side.

“Let me in!”
“What’s the password?”
“Password?”
“You might be the enemy!”
“But I’m not”
“You might be captured and being held hostage!”
“Let me in please!!”
“No.”
“I’m not a brute I promise!”
“Tell that to your brute buddies.”
“Do I SOUND like a Brute?!”
silence

Be sure to list your favorites below!

Pretty much everything that came out of a grunt’s mouth in H3 and ODST. Especially when you stick them with nades.

That high pitched wail you hear in the background as they frantically run in cricles…

“G-greneade… I-it stuck me!”

It’s just… The way they say these things… Makes it absolutely hilarious.

Not sure if it was a Brute or a Grunt (Fairly certain the latter), but one of them would sometimes shout “Who gave him a hammer!?” or “How’d he get a hammer!?” when you pull one out as well.

I’ve stuck a grunt and he shouted “VERY SAD FACE!” as he turned to run into a wall and explode. That, was priceless.

Pluss the IWHBYD Grunt Line on H3 where the grunt sees you kill another grunt and goes on this babble about Flipyap or something.

You just can’t get humor like that in Reach and 4. Though I did find the slight banter between Emile and Dot to be amusing.
Emile: Cryptic…
Dot: You know as much as I do.

I’m gonna say CE or Halo 2 because of the Grunts.

There are definitely funnier Easter eggs, but I always thought it was pretty funny in CE when grunts shouted “Bad cyborg!” Like, how do they know he’s a cyborg haha. I haven’t played it for years, but in Halo 2 sometimes Elites would order grunts to advance or something and they’d say something like “No, you go.” I don’t remember exactly, but that was pretty funny. Also some of the switching weapons dialogue in Halo 3. Just some stuff off the top of my head.

I heard a Grunt call me Tin-man in Halo CE. lol

I was stuck between Halo 2 and Halo 3, but i voted for Halo 3.

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“This cave is not a natural formation, someone built it, so it must lead somewhere.”
Funny everytime.

This had my sides splitting

There’s also the “is this because of Reach?!” line that elites occasionally say if you attack them in Halo 3 lol

“Men, we led those dumb bugs out to the middle of nowhere to keep ‘em from gettin’ their filthy claws on Earth. But, we stumbled onto somethin’ they’re so hot for, that they’re scramblin’ over each other to get it. Well, I don’t care if it’s God’s own anti-son-of-a–Yoink- machine, or a giant hula hoop, we’re not gonna let 'em have it! What we will let 'em have is a belly full of lead, and a pool of their own blood to drown in! Am I right, Marines?” - SGT Johnson. Especialy the hula hoop part.

“This cave is not a natural formation” - Cortana

Gee you think? What part of the artificial construct we are on looks like a natural formation?

“Dear Humanity… We regret being alien -Yoinks!-. We regret coming to Earth. And we most definitely regret that the Corps just blew up our raggedy–Yoink- fleet!” -Johnson

You had your chance to be afraid before you joined my beloved Corps. But to guide you back to the true path, I brought this motivational device. Our big green style cannot be defeated!"- Johnson

“The Chief is gonna jump in this tank, roll across the bridge, and blow up any inhuman-son-of-a–Yoink- dumb enough to get between him and the Prophet of Regret! Pull yourself together, because you’re going with him!” - Johnson

“When I joined the Corps, we didn’t have any fancy-shmancy tanks. We had sticks! Two sticks, and a rock for the whole platoon - and we had to share the rock! Buck up, boy, you’re one very lucky Marine!” - Johnson

“Usually the good Lord works in mysterious ways. But not today! This here is sixty-six tons of straight up, H-E-spewing dee-vine intervention! If God is love, then you can call me Cupid!” - Johnson

“I would have been your daddy but the dog beat me over the fence!” - SGT. FREAKING JOHNSON

“Then they must love the smell of bad -Yoink-. And I left a little present for you, Arbiter. And I’m walking away. Ha-ha-ha!” - Johnson, and he actually got away with saying that to the Arbiter.

“Son, I could be your daddy, but… Never mind…” - Johnson, Reach firefight voice quote.

“That doesn’t look like an Uneven Elephant to me: looks more like two squids kissing.” - Johnson, first Strike novel.

“Then it is an even fight. All Cruisers, fire at will! Burn their mongrel hides!” - Rtas 'Vadum. Funny because we know it is true, well not completely, It was more than an even fight in favor of the Elites.

“Not bad, Spartan. I saw that explosion from orbit. Truth’s fleet lies in ruins. Find where the liar hides… so I may place my boot between his gums!” - Rtas 'Vadum

“Broadside! What fools to face our guns!” - Rtas 'Vadum, comms on the Ark in Halo 3. Yes it is awesome but funny.

“No thanks to your driving, yes.” - Master Chief in response to Cortana’s question of him sleeping well.

“Tell that to the Covenant” - Master Chief getting his new armor

“Relax. I’d rather not piss this thing off.” - Master Chief upon him and Arbiter meeting the Gravemind.

“Boo…” - Master Chief . . . to a Grunt whose reaction just takes the cake.

“Thought I’d try shooting my way out — mix things up a little.” - Master Chief again. Is it just me or does he snark at something at least once per game?

“No, Sir.” - Master Chief to Del Rio . . . who actually deserved it and the fact that everyone stood by when ordered to arrest Chief was pretty funny. It was as if they were saying this: “hell no, I am not trying that”

“You’re on.” - Master Chief in the Halo 2 E3 presentation while surrounded by a bunch of energy sword wielding Elites . . . The fact that he tosses a plasma grenade when he says this makes it even more hilarious.

That said just about everything Johnson says is funny. It is Johnson for crying out loud.

I don’t know about you guys but there are so many quotes that can be tied as the funniest. Especially he IWHBYD skull quotes XD

My answer to funniest Halo game? All of them.

“Don’t worry, I know what the aliens like” - Sgt. Johnson

Has to be Buck from ODST…

> Take my advice Rookie, you ever fall for a woman, make sure she’s got balls.

Dutch: “ODST reporting for duty, sir”

Colonel: “Nice of you to DROP in trooper”

Me: ha ha ha ha

“Tank beats everything!” - Marine in Halo 3.

Jun-A266: “Well it’s pointing us a click and a half east, and 2000 feet underground”
Emile-A239: “I didn’t bring my shovel”

Any time Johnson Gamer-Rages.

BOY!!

Halo CE, rarely, if a grunt kills you, he’ll sing “we are the champions” :slight_smile:

I always chuckle at this little quote trifecta from Halo 2. It’s the last line that kills me:

Cortana: Thanks for the tank, he never gets me anything.

Johnson (in his perviest voice ever): Oh I know what the ladies like.

Level name: Ladies Like Plating

So many of my favourite funny lines are incidental ones from NPCs, especially super rate ones. Like the ONE TIME i played H2 and a marine broke into “War! Huh! What is it good for?” I’ve never been able to recreate it.

Possibly my favourite for how completely surprised I was by it was a line from a Brute in 3 after I killed his companion, which I argued with my housemate about for months until we recreated it - “HE WAS MY LOVER!”

Not gonna lie, I really want to see at least some acknowledgment of same--Yoink!- jiralhanae romance in one of the novels!

Special mention for funniest line: “WORT WORT WORT”

I feel like outside of Easter Eggs, ODST is really good.

> Jun-A266: “Well it’s pointing us a click and a half east, and 2000 feet underground”
> Emile-A239: “I didn’t bring my shovel”

Carter: How long?
Kat: Question of my life…

It took me like 50 playthroughs until my friend made me realize it was a weewee joke.

The games have had a lot of funny lines, but I really like some of the snippets in Silentium. You don’t really think of the Forerunner Trilogy for humor.

> “We’re ruled by idiots.”

> “How the hell do you bribe a machine?”

> The games have had a lot of funny lines, but I really like some of the snippets in Silentium. You don’t really think of the Forerunner Trilogy for humor.
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> > “We’re ruled by idiots.”
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> > “How the hell do you bribe a machine?”

Cryptum had some really good comedic lines as well.

> "You are being kidnapped, young Manipular. The humans will have to come as well. Apologies to all!

Ur-Didact laughing in Maker’s face and Sharp getting an immense amount of second-hand embarrassment from it was hilarious in Silentium, and when they tell Catalog to shut up… :stuck_out_tongue: