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-Yoink!- makes 343 industries of aparent Halo fans which I’ve never heard of in my life.
343 makes an oath to advance the game, yet respect the Halo games before it.
Re-releases Halo 1 remade; Me thinks “Oh, 343 must really respect the franchise”
343 makes Halo 4…
Meanwile at 343 industries…
Frank O’connor: “L3tz maek a gam wich iz reel kool, -Yoink- halo 1 2 and 3 amd da other -Yoinking!- gamz, we maek our owne gam -Yoink- the storylinez of other gamz we wil maek this 1 maek no sense. imma hire some person to writ it”
Story writer: “first of all we maek mastur chef get new armourz for no -Yoinking!- reason. its k caus cortana haz phycic powerz and or sum sheeeit so yeh, also da upgrad does nothin to him either but we do it jus cuz it look kool. then the covenents come out of no were an day be leik -Yoink- u i wanna raipe u humens a9-tuj09auf9wa. but itz k caus corarana sai alot hapen in 6 yeers. you go onto to the metal planet ting but da planets has more planets inside so that makes it harder. den dats half da gam, just mastur cheif and cortena trying to find out wer da -Yoink- day are. den out of no were da prometiaanz com out boom so big surpris didtn sea dat 1 commin exept 4 ur mum lawl. but 2 finish off de efect of da story beeing retardid we nead to maik the promeethianz look retardid.”
Artist: “ok so deez promeetianz neeed to look reely reely retardid so i maed it look even mour retardid den dat. i drew a triangle for its body and its legs and arms float cuz no reasen and its face coems open and it haz another face underneath cuz no reasen again. i maid it look liek someting off of a scie fi horror and not halo. an 4 da crawlrs i drew a dog wit a gun on its face. da wacherz were hard cauz i had to draw a face wit 2 curcles on both sides of it. curcles. day r dam hard. dam curcles”
Frank: “dis gaim is going 2 be soooo gud everyon is gon explod wen dai see it. hows da story comin along nao :3?”
Story writer: “k so 1once all dat happen diadact com den he b leik im gonna kill evryon just caus and he gets mad jus caus someting happen along time ago wich we wont even go into cuz itz a main plot point, but its somtin about people going into computer form and som oter -Yoinked!- up stuff and dats why teh prometians has got mad and wanna kill the chief cause they use to be human. its gona maek so litel cense best gam evr. and if dai wanna undrstand teh stori dai hav 2 reed leik 5 books”
Frank: “good marketin technieq bro. we get mor muneys off bookz cuz we maik the gam maik no sense. how is da gamplay?”
Gameplay designer: “we mutilated da shieeeet out of the other stuff in da gam, but we promised to make it leik halo so we kept the gaimplay the same and fixed the problems from reech. reech also had a reely awesum forge wurld but we dun giv a -Yoink- maikin a forge wurl 2 cuz da campaign an evrytin else iz so l33t”
Frank: “wee need musick so insted of getin mary odonel back caus he maid the best musick ever we get som random pommi dude dat work on sum -Yoink- i nevr heard of cuz it wil b kool. lets ditch da halo theem song nao cuz its not halo aimour we cut all the outher gaimz off”
Shortly after release date
Frank: click on forums -Yoink!- of people complaining
clicks on metacritic 87/100, lowest scoring Halo game of all time
“i juss dunno wut went wrong”