I’ll spend the morning making a Cortana costume - made up of no clothes, full blue bodypaint, melons in my gf’s bra, a wig made from the head of a mop that I’ll cut into the shape of cortanas hair and some glitter that I’ll sprinkle across my whole body.
Once that’s done, I’ll turn the radio onto a station so it’s only just there, but mostly static and you can’t hear anything properly.
Then I’ll cover my entire hallway in tinfoil - ceiling, floor, walls, shoes, cupboard - everything covered in tinfoil. I will then set up a disco ball light in the middle of the hall, but replace every colour on the ball with blue.
Finally, I will put a note on the door asking the postman to knock to a specific note-sheet which I will leave on the door also. The notesheet will be of the original CE tune.
When postie gets to my house he’ll be thinking “I’m nearly done
just this parcel to number 11 and then I can head home and…what’s this? A note sheet? Sounds fun! I’ll tr…”
Suddenly my door will fly open and I shall thrust myself towards him, knocking him over and leaving him to gaze up at a fully grown man, covered in blue paint and glitter, wearing a bra with some painted melons inside and a hastily cut mop head as a wig. The hallway shall glitter blue behind me to further present my shimmering blue body as I stand over him. The radio shall blare in the background - inaudible voices and static.
“JOHN!!” I shall shout.
“But… but im… my name… is… ben…” stammers the postman, but I simply grab the parcel from his shaking hands.
“JOHHHN!” I repeat. “WAKE UP JOOOHHHNN!!!”
The postman will lie there stunned, not knowing what is about to happen.
“IT IS HERE! I HAAAVVE IT!! THE INFINITY NEEDS MEEE!!”
He climbs to his feet and runs back to his van, glancing behind him in panicked terror as I hold the parcel above my head, basking in its awesome glory!
“JOHHHHHHNNNNNn!!!” I scream! “I’M GOING RAMPANT JOHHHNNN!!”
After the postman escapes I will run inside to my kitchen and grab a knife (which I previously covered in leftover blue glitter) and tear the parcel open.
“JOOOHHH…” I begin to wail, but then I notice that Amazon must have had a mix-up at the warehouse as I clutch my brand new copy of Farming Simulator 2013.
You know then OP, a normal day.