Step right up, one and all! Step right up! Don’t be shy! Step right up and witness the magnificent medicinal miracle of Carnage’s patented Magical Butthurt Tonic! Put some ardor in your larder with our energizing, moisturizing tantalizing, romanticizing, surprising, “her-prising,” revitalizing tonic! I doubt very highly that one elixir can boast so many fantastic properties.
Halo 5 got you down? Tired of a game that doesn’t perform exactly like you wanted it to? Are you bemoaning the loss of “Split Screen”? Are you sick of missing content and Forge made maps?
Boy, do I have the solution for you: Carnage’s Magical Butthurt Tonic!
One sip from my Magical Tonic will make your worries melt away! You’ll feel like you’re playing a game again!
My Magical Butthurt Tonic will cure you of all your ales. You’ll play Halo 5 for what it is: a game! Instead of nit-picking missing content, you’ll point and shoot for laughs. Rather than butthurt posting on the forums, you’ll play just for the fun of it. Go from being a Sulky Spud to a Spunky Spartan!
You’ll go from “butthurt” to “fun loving” in no time! Try it! It really works!