An Elite falls down the chimney tonight...

… what do you do?!

I would give him some milk and cookies, follow him up the chimney, and ride his sleigh pulled by moas.

His sleigh is pulled by Grunts, don’t be silly.

As for what I would do, I would give him a great big hug.

Grunts! I should’ve known!

I would ask him if I could meet the Grunts in the North Pole.

You better watch out,
You better not wort,
Better not flee,
I’m telling you why:
Sant’ Aclaus is coming to Earth. (8)

I would say “wort wort wort” and hopefully he’ll give me a nice energy sword to play with.

I would run away and call the CIA and tell them to bring some Spartans to my house then the CIA would tell me to stop joking around with their phones then i would say that this thing looks like a Zealot so he is definitely looking for some alien tech near my house so they better hurry up.

Then the CIA would send their Men in Black and kidnap me cause i now know the truth about aliens. Then i find out that i am actually a clone and the real me was taken when he was six because of his kick butt genes to be turned into a super soldier. Clones dont work properly which explains why i am fat.

Luckily my super solder real self was hurt in a fight against these aliens and is brain dead. So they offer to transfer my brain into the super soldier body, which surprisingly didnt end up with anything wrong from the cloning and shows a good hand-eye coordination and prioritizing skills. I tell them it’s probably because i play a lot of video games.

So then i end up becoming an Alien-fighting super soldier who takes part in a secret alien war to save humanity. I end up going to other planets because of the war and have -Yoink!- with hot differently colored alien babes who strangely look very similar to humans so it’s ok.

Kill him because he is a known sanghieli terrorist and associate of Jul Mdama. His death would make the galaxy a better place.

At least that’s what pretty lady with the scary voice told me to do.

I’d call him a coward for trying to kill something that is weaker then him. Since the elites have a thing with pride, he will just get pissed and try to leave… then I’ll snatch his weapon which is hopefully an energy sword,kill him, and sell the sword to the government and be rich for life.


But if it’s a General, I’d torture him for weeks until I make him fear the fuel rod gun so he’ll never use it again…

I would ask him for a pet Moa.

Maybe even my own Grunt.