6 Years - The Life of a Meridian Citizen, 2558

It was 6 years since it happened. Everything we cherished dearly was decimated, lost to the burning plasma that forever scarred our beloved Reach. It was our bastion, our “fortress amongst the stars” as Dr. Halsey once called it. It was the home of the UNSC Powerhouse, valued more to some than Earth - and it was our greatest defeat.
It was the biggest fleet ever assembled by the Covenant - the ferocious, merciless onslaught which never gave up. Some couldn’t believe it themselves. Reach? The covenant on REACH? Their ships never stopped coming. We took the fight to the cities, to the countrysides, but our losses in space were too great.
That was 6 years ago.
I was a 12 year old boy growing up in New Alexandria, we had all heard the stories of the Covenant destroying colony after colony. We were told that was in the outer colonies however, so it was highly unlikely this would ever happen to Reach. Even if they discovered Reach, we thought they wouldn’t be able to destroy it. It was Reach for Christ sake, that’s what we thought.
My 20 year old Brother was killed, as was my Mother. My father was already dead, 6 years earlier on some far off colony. I tend not to go over the details, but my Brother died fighting in New Alexandria alongside ODSTs and Spartans. I had asked him to get me a picture of a Spartan. I lost my Mother boarding the evacuation ships. As each ship became congested with people, I lost her. One minute I was with her, the next I wasn’t. I would like to think she managed to board another evacuation ship, and she is living somewhere nice, maybe perhaps, still looking for me.
I’m not holding my breath.
I didn’t see anybody I knew from Reach ever again. A few years later I was shown images of the planet just after the battle for the planet, a smouldering hot ball of fire and smoke. The atmosphere had been striped by the Plasma.
After the Fall of Reach, I had no family. When the Evacuation ship touched down in a country on Earth called Germany, I had no one to go to. The Planet was completely foreign to me. Everything seemed claustrophobic on Earth, well at least here. The Fight for Earth was in full swing, but that had taken place in Africa - nothing to do with me and my new life in Germany. I was on the streets, fending off children for food, probably orphans, younger than myself.
In 2555 aged 14, I was finally taken in by a very rich family. I do not know why they chose me. My new step father was a high ranking officer in the UNSC Navy, with a very kind wife who was a stay-at-home mother to 2 young children, who would be my new stepbrothers.
Slowly, I got back on my feet. I gained an Education, and became a normal, functioning member of post-War Humanity. I became a mentor to the two little boys my Step Mother and Step Father were raising - it gave me something to live for.
Aged 17, my step father was drafted to Meridian to help ease the relationship between the UNSC and the Meridian People, an independant colony.
So here I am. I’m Only 18, yet I’ve been through so much. The Fall of Reach, The rebuilding process on Earth and this. I have no words to describe what’s happening here on Meridian. Earthquakes of major magnitude, shaking cities to rubble. The footage is like nothing I’ve seen before. The UNSC are saying they have been dealing with it. How? How do you deal with earthquakes?

(Leave your opinion below, I’m 14 so I need to know how to improve my work, thanks)

Let me start by saying that, for 14, you have an incredible grasp of the form, function, and implementation of the English language. I really enjoyed reading through what you have here.

On the matter of feedback for what’s written, there are only a few things I can think of to potentially help you improve your work. What you’ve written conveys a very numb perspective from the narrator (which I assume was intended). It seems a little cold at times, though, which might be helped if some of the parts were fleshed out a bit. I’m hooked by the story, and would love to see a little more details here and there!

Again, I really like what you’ve written. Is it a part of a bigger story you’ve got in mind, or is it more of an individual snapshot fitting into the ongoing Halo narrative?

This is a good piece of writing. The form is good, but I would like to see more.

I agree with XtoxichickenX with regards to your descriptions. May I recommend that you read either Elmore Leonard or China Mieville due to their descriptive writing.

You are talented, so please keep it up. I look forward to reading more of your work.

One thing that really annoyed me about this was when the description of the Fall of Reach, “You” asked your brother to take a picture of a Spartan… At that time the Spartans were super Secret Super Soldiers that only few people and Marines knew of. Otherwise, great job on this writing. I feel you would be good at Dungeons and Dragons.

Cool